Declaring mental, physical & financial bankruptcy….

Anyone who knows me well, will agree that I like to do everything myself. Due to STIGMA, I  even hid the severity of my illnesses for a long time and in part lead me to nearly succeeding in suicide last year. 


Deciding to be fully transparent and honest in declaring my mental, physical and financial bankruptcy  is somewhat freeing and has allowed me to step into healing and living and loving a life that I want and need too.live  Opening  up,  has also helped me  realise my life mission and purpose and that is to better educate the world about chronic and mental health illnesses . I believe talking outwardly it has improved my health conditions and I want to help millions of others around the world to improve theirs too.

I want to tell you, that being a woman that has succumbed to chronic physical and  mental health issues, it has been a struggle with a sense of guilt because of my many conditions, both physical and mental symptoms at times, make me feel like I was a burden or that I was causing trouble for my loved ones . This sense of guilt creates an anxiety that withers strengh  away when unchecked. Sinking, deeper and darker forces you out of life because that physical and mental pain  is unbearable – you are then unable to make a living, so as well as health being bankrupt, so are your finances. This is when life becomes non existence because you are so horribly ill, that you cannot work but because you are hiding the severity , your loved ones and the greater environment cant see the true extent of your problems.

I felt a failure for so long but since becoming fully transparent , I now know none of my health illnesses or my financial woes  are to be blamed….what has occurred , has occurred. It is now about recovery in aspects of life so that I can keep moving forward on my life journey. By reducing the feeling of guilt within myself ,  my anxiety that comes from it, has lessened too. I am no longer shy to speak about my down times, because I am becoming aware of just how many people just like me there are around the globe in similar circumstances and they too are fearful of putting their hands up for help because of the STIGMA that shades invisible illnesses. 

Standing up was really hard to do, and it was only for the fact that I failed at suicide that I am now where I am, but I’ve found that for myself, changing the way I think, breathe and live can make lifes wandering so much easier. 

 I now, try not to put myself in situations where I might have the temptation to hide even if it’s with the intention to avoiding hurting someone’s feelings. I find it helpful to breathe and speak an honest life because not only can I avoid the negative physical and mental effects, but I can be help others see that it’s ok to do the same. Sometimes now , as I speak it may be hurtful but it’s not about anyone in particular, it’s to explain how thoughts and feelings can cause negative connotations to mental and physical health and as spoken about when left unchecked it can badly affect all areas of life.
It’s not to say that I don’t hide myself anymore, because I do. But when you make it your goal to show your journey in total and that’s the good, bad and indifferent it’s very freeing for yourself and then others living similar chronic illness journeys  begin to follow on. This is the beginning  of raising awareness and just perhaps the beginning to ease the state of stigma. By telling the true chronically invisible health story I am showing that there is no need to feel guilty  and  finally the larger community and globe can learn and treat these health and life issues better.

If you need help, please don’t feel weak or not good enough to receive it! When, we step ourselves out into the world and let them hear our stories, we let the sun, shine through and so the stress, the hardship becomes bearable and thus healing really begins.

If you resonate with my story please like and share my post and let me know.

Lots of love 

The Barefoot Goddess 💋

Please also connect with me on social media at;

http://www.facebook.com/IAFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess 
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally “

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Nobody Sees…..

Nobody sees me, nobody at all.

Nobody sees me at 3am when I should be asleep but the pain from the tip of my head to my toes is filled with pain.
Nobody sees me, nobody at all.

Nobody sees me,

trip and stumble

Nobody sees me,

put the TV remote control in the freezer

Nobody sees me,

put the house keys in peculiar places

again
and again.

Nobody sees 
when your so tired, that you can’t even take your bra off each night,

Nobody sees

when you are still in the same clothes, 3 – 5 days in a row….

It is such a glamorous life

being chronically & invisibly ill!
Nobody sees you

trying to stay calm…..CALM what the fuck is that,

when you are chronically and invisibly ill!

Nobody sees you
when you fix lunches or dinner

because you said, you were OK

AGAIN and again 

and again, EVERYDAY!

Nobody sees you

sitting over the sick bucket in the middle of the night

Nobody sees

your inner self  kicking, swearing and shouting,

trying desperately to hold it together
NO, nobody sees you

holding on, like you are a trapeze artist on a tightrope of chaos.

Nobody sees you 

getting up
and sitting down

then getting back up 

then falling to the floor

Nobody ever sees you when the days are so dark and gloomy!
No, nobody ever sees that you just didn’t leave the house for one whole week.
NO – Nobody FUCKING saw that !

Oh what a glamorous life,

to be chronically and invisibly ill!

Nobody sees

when you were so empty

but you still gave something

or  made something

and continually saying sorry for being cross, again and again!

NO nobody sees that real YOU!

Nobody sees all of the things that you do, or the ways that you manage, when REALLY you can’t manage at all!!!

and then there are those questions,

“you don’t look sick”

‘when are you going to go back to work?’

I can tell you, 

living with chronically and invisible illnesses 

are jobs in themselves 

and they are seriously one of the hardest jobs anyone can ever have to face

because you are simply reduced to sitting around at home
and nobody sees you , nobody sees that
But through all the torture 

there is something you are building 

sonething that  will never be torn down

– THAT SOMETHING IS INNER STRENGTH 

So remember 
When nobody saw how much you gave

every day

every night

every morning 

every afternoon 

and every moment.

Well let me tell you , I saw you and I felt you, 
 I think you are so wonderful , so BRAVE 

STAY STRONG because just because there are BAD days, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a BAD life!

If you are chronically and invisibly ill and you resonate with this please like and share and if you haven’t connected please do so on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Looking After Your Outer World, Also Looks After The Inner World….

When we begin to truly take care of ourselves inside & out, we remember that our outer world really does follow our inner world. 

It is why we also need to take extra care to make sure that we are looking after ourselves in total, especially if we are in the process of healing chronic illnesses.

But What Is Our Outer World; Well simply put, our outer world is that mad rush of people, places, tasks and deadlines which can lead to conflict and stressful situations where we politely BUT mostly aggressively or angrily navigate and deal with daily.

So, Our Inner World Must Be That Mirrored Reflection That We See & Be Outwardly; Yes, our inner world is exactly our way of being and our look on the outside world and it determines how we react or respond to situations and thus operates our experiences in and of the world.  

We need to stop and take time to think of our inner world, our thoughts, our attitude, our varied and various emotions that drive our ways of interacting with others and the environment itself.

Let us , stop right now and concentrate on both our inner and outer world by simply concentrating on the sound of our breath…this is one of the simplest activities that we can do daily for 10 seconds at a time across the day.

Perhaps you may like to try and let me know how you go either by here or on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Selflove blessings to all

The Barefoot Goddess 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Murky Water, Clear Skies, Journal Entries & Getting The Fuck Up To Bloom Like A Lotus Flower….It Is Me!

As I close down for the evening, the quote 

“It’s in the murkiest waters we patiently await arrival of the lotus”

explains and defines my journey with life, health and again to life as it is supposed to be, because you see there was a time where the path was murky, dim, gloomy & oh so hard to see clearly through to the next day, everyday and any day!

The waves have been rough to beat and there were moments when the darkness and strength broke me, but……it was at that moment of being broken that the words being visualised from a online mentor came through in dreams something like this;

“Get The FUCK Up & Make That Vision Happen”.

Shit, after all those years as a entrepreneur wanna be, a woman struggling to stay alive with chronic illness and disease, I was receiving the key of life…..if you like, a seed of a beautiful flower had been placed into my loins. Those words in visual dreams have stayed with me and over and over that attitude has kept me pushing towards the vision, my vision!

With further patience, I  am allowing myself to keep wading through the murky water and to my surprise that water it is becoming clearer and to the surface I am like a beautiful lotus beginning to bloom. Its roots , my roots have been deep in muddy water, for a long time , such a long time but just as  the lotus flower, rises, I too am rising from the dark gloomy mud to bloom in the sunshine.  I am clean, fragrant and pure!

My next steps, are important ones, but I am ready! The world is ready! I have just again grasped the world in my hands and I am ready to play BIG and I want the other chronic illness goddesses like me to want to play big too?

So, my message to you that is reading this – if you are stuck deep in the mud, stay patient, keep your faith – follow mentors, online, in real life, write your vision down , pray on it , visualise it, manifest it and when questions get asked and those questions are opened through dreams , you are being given that key or  perhaps that seed – it’s time to stand up, it’s your time to rise from the mud like me!

 “SO, WILL YOU WALK WITH ME & MAKE LIFE BLOOM”

But for now let me turn down the lights, sit in silence using my breath and rest, so that we can again wander towards wellness tomorrow.

Blessings From My Journal

The Blessed Goddess

💋
http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally

A late night journal, sitting by the water meditating!

At the waters edge in this mornings meditation, has brought me such truth towards my vision, mission & purpose!

Let me tell you why and it’s all about going to bed with a profound journaling session ;

I HAVE A VISION, WITH A MISSION & PURPOSE TO LIVE…..
What is it, well it is simply to inspire and motivate the world that despite chronic health conditions, cancer and life’s roadblocks, have it all! I wander this life free to heal mentally, physically , emotionally and spiritually now that I can be me. 

Who is me – Well basically I am a ocean loving vegan, yogini, ballerina and abstract yarn artist who uses all of these modalities to transform my life and my life’s purpose to bring such a positive vibe and change to the people that I connect with globally.
I will never tell you out in the real world that I know everything, because I don’t know everything! But I do know, by continuing to wander the twisted bends of this world, the universe knows exactly the step that each of us needs to take.
I CAN STEP FORWARDS WITH MY VISION , MISSION & PURPOSE BECAUSE OF THE INTENSE VITALITY FOR LIVING & LOVING LIFE WITH ALL OF MY HEART!
I am the barefoot goddess, and together with you, I will walk, talk and shine in this big crazy world . 
AND so I slept mindfully and soundly and breathed my truth into this mornings breath session.

If you are struggling, take yourself to the waters edge, sit in silence and breathe through your truth and magic ,
Good Morning and blissful energy to you all today,
The Barefoot Goddess 💋
Please connect with me on social media at(

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Stress – It Does Make Us Sick!

Need something else to get stressed out about on this Sunday evening!

Ok here it is, stress itself can and does make you sick. It. doesn’t only make us feel awful emotionally, it can and does also worsen just any health condition that we can think of . Don’t get too stressed out about being stressed out, though because there is some good news and that is there are 4 simple stress relief tips using mindfulness, that can counter and lower further health issues. 

The next time you feel stressed, try one of these simple easy tips;
1 – Breathe deeply. Just a few minutes of deep breathing can calm you and tame the fight or flight stress response. Try creating a specific time to relax each day is a good idea. Also one advantage to using deep breathing for stress relief is that you can do it anywhere. Also as you breathe out, try relaxing a certain muscle groups. Move through the different areas of your body until you’re feeling calm.

2 – Focus on the NOW moment. 

When you’re stressed, you’re probably living in the future or the past. You’re worried about what to do next or regretful about something you’ve already done. To get some stress relief, instead try focusing on what you’re doing right now. If you’re walking, feel the sensation of your legs moving. If you’re eating, focus on the taste and the sensation of the food. No matter what you are doing – focus on the NOW moment!

3 – Look At The Situation Differently.

So you’re running late and stuck in terrible traffic or you have missed the train. Getting worked up is a natural reaction, but it won’t help you at all. Rather than swearing, cursing or crying – see things in a different circumstance. Look at time as an opportunity – a chance for you to be alone for yourself . 

4 – Don’t Let Your Problems Grow Bigger Than They Need To Be.

Next time you’re feeling stressed out, don’t let the stress grow instead think of the things for which you are grateful. It can be a effective method for stress relief.

I know these are my most important go to stress relief tips particularly if I am going through chronic illness flare ups or particularly stressful circumstances along my journey of life.

I would love to know what you think and if you have any tips that help calm your stress levels, please share.

If you have liked this post , don’t forget to like and share and please connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAMFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Much love 

The Barefoot Goddess 💋

“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally “

So Dark & So Deep Are The Secrets That You Keep….

So how much do I want life?  How much do I love life?  How deep and dark are the secrets that I keep?These are the questions I’ve been pondering!?!

What appears to be such a long time ago but it really isn’t that long ago…..I saw pain, I felt pain in the realism of wanting the very best , to be the very best for me and my only true beloved and wanted life and career!
It began at the age of three and YES from about 11 to the age of 17, all I breathed, all I wanted was to be a professional ballerina! I practiced, I breathed , I bled , cried and screamed!

When the blessed journey came crashing down , I guess that was when life began to fall down as well. That evil monster who deemed dance was not a life journey – that monster, hid me, destroyed me and punished me for years !
Life in all its entirety never really had the same oomph – There was no stage, there was no reason! 


Over the future forward years,  because my truest self had died, life died and became filled with unwanted pursuits and illness! 

2016, found me destitute and in suicides hive – it was then I realised that life could still be lived, life could still be loved! The dream for everything wanted, is never over! Age, illness, life’s journey it is all dependent on us not the circumstance or numbers! Believe in your stance and most inner breath! Be the goddess, be the strength that is within!


I have been awakened and I have been aligned to my truest self – that self in tutus , pink tights, practice leotards & ballet shoes . That self is a member of the 1% in the 1% and I have success within my veins for obtaining top level love and life because I know what it takes to get there!

So today, let me take you on a journey to find you , not what everyone wants to see, BUT that you that you are! It begins with that little person of long ago – yes she is still there – AWAKEN HER NOW!

Step up onto the stage of life, with the much loved pointe shoes on and feel all of those broken toes, bruises and abrasions . Feel the pain, feel the joy and dance on because it’s what makes you live! If you have narcissists telling you , that is not the life journey- cast them aside because honey, this life is you, of course it’s your life journey! 
I stood in the darkness for way too long – but no one is ever too old to be what ever they are truly meant to be! Get out and shine…..

This is me, I am alive, I am able to shine because I have the pain bringing me back to the joy of life…..and before I step out on my stage, I never forget to breathe and know that this is where I am meant to be and it’s why I can’t help but smile.

Resonate with me, don’t forget to like and share.

Also connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”