“Oh But You Don’t Look Sick”…..

Lately, I have been looking back at the journey I’ve wandered and it’s sad to think that I’ve been chronically ill since 2012. Every single day, since then I’ve learnt so much about the ups and downs related to my hidden health conditions. I want you to know that these health conditions use what I would describe as a kind of lottery system, that give me highest of highs and the frightfully lowest of lows. Anyway, with that said, I sit here journaling for the benefit of all the sick and healthy people across the world. As I walk and talk my journey to more people with so many varied chronic illnesses, i see that the perception of what being sick looks like has an impact on more people than just me. It affects so many areas of life for every chronically ill person. I want to tell you, out in the big wide world how the phrase, “Oh but you don’t look sick” can seriously impact those people like myself, who suffer with invisible and chronic illnesses . It is time to look deeper into  what chronic pain and chronic illness looks like in the real world, so that they can receive the necessary medical care. 

As you are reading this, you may have just connected with me through social media, this blog or maybe you might be a good friend or family member. I just want to take an extra moment to talk to you about the phrase that I mentioned earlier “oh but you don’t look sick.” I want you to remember that as you are saying that to me, you have never seen me at home on the yukkiest and darkest days. So, at the moment that you are seeing me – you maybe right, I may not look sick or just because you can’t see my pain or illness, it doesn’t mean I am feeling at my weakest. Sometimes, dressing up helps mood, or even if it doesn’t help my pain, it helps to mask it. I’m so sorry if that messes up the idea of looking sick – but that is one indication of chronic and invisible illness.  I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for what you may mean as a compliment, but it is kind of insulting to me or anyone that is chronically ill. That little phrase dismisses the pain and suffering that I and so many go through on a day to day basis. So, if we have just met, and I open up to you about my painful neurological condition and I don’t even begin to mention my other autoimmune conditions that I live with, please don’t think you’re complimenting me. If you follow it up with but “you’re so strong ,” you are implying that being sick should make me weak. Maybe you think I’m exaggerating my pain because you perceive me as strong. When you are ill for such a long time, strength fades, but pain doesn’t.

This journaling and blogging session is not about only me, it’s about all of the incredible souls that I have connected with through support groups to keep me from giving up. By telling me that i don’t look sick and that I’m strong, BRAVE or beautiful you are reinforcing the idea that I don’t want these medical conditions taken seriously. Maybe I should not take any pride in my appearance, when I am on my sickest days so your conceptions of these illnesses and my illness will fit together. The thoughts of what being chronically ill looks like is what stops people from seeking the medical attention that they need, receiving the benefits that they deserve, and being treated with respect. We are the people who even lose the much needed family support during their illnesses because their families do not understand or believe that being sick can look so many different ways. SICK LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE ON DIFFERENT DAYS. 

You don’t see me at home. You don’t see me the way my close network do. The way I live is so horribly embarrassing that even some of my doctors don’t see all of the pain. The mask I apply is there, because of the negative experiences with showing vulnerability. Even the necessary doctors’ appointments and my God, there are many are excruciating hard because  it means that I have to take a shower with energy that I do not have. I let many of you see what I want you to see because to me it feels uncomfortable with showing you the truth. I don’t want to be ridiculed by the “oh but you don’t look sick” scenario each time I venture out.  So, if you see me outside of my home when I’m dressed up, don’t presume. Living a chronically invisible ill life is isolating and lonely and there are many days that I don’t have the energy to make myself look presentable. There appears a huge amount of stigma around when we the chronically ill can’t shower ourselves because we feel that sickly, but there is just as much judgement because you can’t see the whole story within a moments notice.  That’s why you only see me and most invisibly chronic ill people when we apparently don’t look sick. 

So,  I can’t explain my whole life’s chronically ill story across my blog or in a short conversation because without the endless health specialists notes and medical timelines,  I cannot tell you about the hours and money that have gone into tests and examinations that I’ve had done and then there is all the extra stuff that I have taken or done to maintain a manageable pain level. In conversations apart from now I won’t tell you how many doctor visits that I average a week or how many pills that I’ve tried and have had horrible side effects or allergic toxic reactions. I won’t tell you about the pain of when the doctors don’t know what to do with me – yes, I have been turned away by many doctors because I’m too complicated !!! I want you to understand the frustrations that I and so many deal with on any given day. Being chronically ill is like you are slowly losing your sanity and that’s what makes us feel even worse. So if I brush my hair to try and look ok when I leave the house, but I carry so much pain behind the pretty faced selfie don’t think that’s my everyday experience. I go out of my way to document the moments that I enjoy life, so when everyone else is out there having amazing and exciting life experiences and I am alone in my lounge room with my heated blanket I can see evidence of the few times life shined.
So, to end positively, I do appreciate it when you tell me that my voice sounds strong or notice an improvement in my symptoms. But, if I don’t know you or you think that “but you don’t look sick” phrase you aren’t complimenting me – so it’s probably best to stay quiet, with my favourite saying “if you can’t say anything nice – don’t say anything at all”.

             Life NOW- 2016 & beyond!

** I want to tell you that it’s at this point along the journey looking for healing and wellness through endless doctors sessions and research that I am now, standing strong because of a doctor that saw me at my weakest and was not going to let me take my own life. I am currently undertaking weekly physical and psychological therapies in order to be strong and well. I have also returned to my vegan dietary choice to strengthen and alkalise my internal health. Through this therapy, my love for writing again came and why this blogging map is here for you but probably what’s happened is my love for mindfulness with meditation and yoga. I am stepping a new and revived pathway to trigger brain, body, health and life to commit to a life to love. This is me, this is my passion and purpose – this is life being authentic and vulnerable so if you see, me out and about don’t utter the words “oh but you don’t look sick”. I have a incredible long journey to go, but I am on a path for myself and so many others. Let’s walk together for life in brilliant colours!**

I hope you may have resonated with some part of this – if so make sure you connect and let me know;

SOCIAL MEDIA 

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Lisa-Raie 💋

Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

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That’s The Thing About Pain….It Demands To Be Felt 🙏🏻


People who suffer from severe, chronic pain and illness know how it can change life. It is so very cruel making it hard to enjoy even the most simple daily tasks. Chronic pain as illness is still not that well understood. The medical industry used to believe that pain was a underlying injury or disease. With these thought patterns doctors focused on treating the underlying cause of the pain, with the belief that once the injury or disease was cured the chronic pain or illness would also disappear. If doctors found no underlying cause  for the illness or pain, then the patient was told that very few treatments would be available, or worse, “the pain must be in your head.” It’s sad to say, but some doctors still practice these thoughts , having no appreciation for the unique problem of newer theories about chronic pain and illness.

Luckily there is a new community starting to understand that if pain or illness is no longer a function of a healthy nervous system then the chronic illness/pain itself becomes the problem and needs to be treated as the primary point of call.

We the chronic pain and illness patients need to stand as one, to raise awareness so that more conversations are started and more research for information and treatments are given.
Do you walk through life with chronic pain or illness- if so please connect with me! If we all walk together, our global governments and health care departments will need to listen and make appropriate choices and changes.

Connect with me today on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Let’s walk together for our health

Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

How I Rediscovered My Mindfulness Key 🔑 For Chronic Illness. 

Mindfulness was something that I fell into accidentally when I was first diagnosed with chronic illness 10 years ago. Looking back, I wish I had kept my daily practice strong in my life. It may have saved me a lot of worry, distress, and hopelessness over the last five years of further and debilitating chronic illness symptoms. Through a lot of research and life experience learning, I found that mindfulness is a set of skills for healing, intuition, insight, calmness, focus, resilience, and hope that you can use to counter the destructive path that chronic illness is. 

But what is mindfulness; 
Using Google as a reference, mindfulness is “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

Across my journey of life, I’ve dealt with my share of pain and tragedies many which caused my path to being chronically ill. Prior to becoming chronically ill, I was a full time busy working woman, wife and mumma. I was focused on building a life for my young family to grow in. Unfortunately, the path that transpired was different . It began initially as a virus that never went away. Slowly that virus, tore my immune system apart and disease after disease began to be diagnosed. It often left me with debilitating aches, unable to eat and everyday simple tasks seemed  overwhelming to say the least. It was then I found mindfulness through yoga and meditation . The techniques I found allowed me to build remission and a new passion for life. I began to research, study and train within coaching, yoga and meditation and my holistic wellness centre opened. It was growing in such a way that my body couldn’t cope. Through the path, I lost my mindfulness mantra and I fell ill again but this time in such a dark despair of dark inner destruction. The stress of chronic illness, was back worse than ever. Back in and out of hospital- more tests after tests! By the time end of 2015/beginning of 2016 came – suicide became my only option! Ahhh yes, this is when the first doctor stepped in and saw my darkness and depression. More tests occurred and it was my next hospital admission after I had , had a seizure and fall leaving me with right sided paralysis that my neurologist diagnosed (FND) Functional Neurological Disorder, just to add to my multiple health complexities. But, I was connected with a team of doctors, physical therapists and psychologists that began my rediscovered walk towards healing and wellness. Just as I was thinking I could not survive more stress and illness, I found a positive pathway to bring me healing. It allowed me to find the mindfulness tool of a few years back. 

Today, I am rebuilding health and life. No, I haven’t completely moved mental and physical symptoms, but a LOT has changed for the BETTER in my life! So much so that I want to stand up in the world to show people that have struggled with the dark days of depression and chronic illnesses that their is a healthy healing path to wellness. Through strengthening my mental and physical health I am learning the daily practices of yoga and meditation that is enabling me to develop inner health and again a professional support network for others. Everyday I am grateful for my wonderful husband and youngest son that I have supporting my every step and struggle and in short, I am blessed to breathe clearance and clarity for life’s future. 

Practicing mindfulness will always be a continuous learning process. But I know staying strong in this lifestyle that  I’ve been fortunate to learn skills in of how to be more mindful. There are ways mindfulness can help heal chronic illness. 

Here are 6 ways I have used mindfulness to help manage my chronic and I know that they can help you too;

1. Self-Love – Be good to yourself, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. 

2. Focus On NOW  –  Live life with awareness in the present moment.

3. Be your POWER – Know yourself, don’t let your illness define you.   

4.  Heal Yourself – Seek healing by finding others that can help you.  

5. Connect With Like Minded Souls – Surround yourself with people that love, support, and inspire you, especially when facing illness and other challenges. 

6. Gratitude & Mindset are everything – Be grateful and stay positive. 

This journey hasn’t been easy and it still has moments of fear, and hopelessness. This is something that happens to us all. But I don’t stay in the fearful moments long anymore because of the daily gratitude that mindfulness brings won’t allow it!

Using the skills I use, I want to help you find this lifestyle too. So if my story has resonated in anyway, please send me an email to: theblessedgoddessproject@gmail.com or connect with me through my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Namaste 🙏🏻 
Lisa-Raie 💋

‘Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally’

When Growing Pains Become Journalling Sessions Which Then Turn To Blog Posts……👣


Wow, these words talk to me, they lift me up to that mountain so high! When you awaken from darkness, what happens is that you grow and expand to a higher realm of energy that you’ve never been consciously! 

I think that’s why I’ve been able to make the steps that I have I’ve the last 24 hours. Those steps they shook me to the core, for an instant I thought that it was me moving backwards but after sitting inward I now know it’s growth with upleveling. I am so proud of myself for making it this far and I know I can make it to my destination in  health and life. 

Be BRAVE , self this is your time. Keep walking, keep talking for the world needs to hear what you have to say.

Much love

Lisa-Raie 💋
Let’s connect on social media;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
” Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Rehabilitation- The Path That Opens Up Wounds, That I Wanted Kept Buried.

Rehabilitation takes many paths to heal and recover from chronic illness and then as you begin doing the internal work, you find that the catalyst for the physical breakdown began long ago, in moments that I would rather forget.

Let me explain – 

I grew up in a narcissistic environment where I was conditioned to believe that only the voice of one person mattered. I learnt that only that person was allowed to have and express opinions. My voice was shut off in order to meet the needs of the house and instead at age eleven, I began the path of pleasing – I would cook and clean and look after younger siblings as well as get the best marks so that i could get acknowledged and celebrated but of course I didn’t. It was important for me to be perfect – that perfect child and student, because I thought if I was perfect I would eventually be celebrated- but again – NO, I never was!!! Across the journey from childhood to teens I fell in love with dancing (as a lot of little girls did) – this was my space to be free, to shine and star on stage and I did receiving medals and distinctions in my exams. But alas , that could not even continue because it was frowned upon and soon I lost what was my passionate purpose. 
As an adult now – I can see growing up in in a childhood like that , how awfully difficult it was and just perhaps keeping the emotional and physical abuse choked down inside could of impacted on the health challenges, both physically and mentally that I am facing in middle adulthood. I am tonight looking back and am even questioning my own value, as a wife a mother and a woman in the workplace because in all of those individual pathways I needed the perfection status – I needed to be celebrated but of course I wasn’t . Well I wasn’t in the mindset of how I grew up. Sitting here crying now as I write this, I can hear my husband telling me so many times, you are here now, you don’t need to live like that anymore. WHY , did I not listen way back when or across the thirty-two year journey that we have been together. I guess that’s what abuse does – it messes with you deep to the core  and then holding it all in, thinking you have life in control and everything balanced and settled, it all comes crashing down. 

In order to heal, it is time to start focusing on self love, self value and self worth and then as I have blogged about before a contented life will begin. Rehabilitation is now allowing me to move forward to “rewire” my brain and body to become one again – if you like , be born again to a life that I know i will love in every breath and step.

I must start at the beginning. I know already opening up and releasing some of these challenging moments of my life are going to trigger emotional flashbacks. It is going to be difficult because of having to remember being brought up in an emotionally neglected household where I would rarely or never receive compassion. I now realise that compassion is so essential for demonstrating empathy within childhood. This important skill was not properly taught to me as I was growing up  and perhaps this is why I pushed the kindness and compassion handle extraordinarily to my children. 

I keep stopping as I write this, telling myself to be patient – it’s something that my health challenges have taught me, but this time it seems even more important! There is a lot of shit, to release , so internal kindheartedness toward myself needs to start NOW. As I am writing this, I am thinking how I would react to someone else in similar circumstances, or what a close friend perhaps would say to me to give comfort to this unsettled self. What are the words I need to say to myself as I release the long suffered pain and rebirth my health and life.
I think I need to eliminate my inner most harshest critic and I need to learn to love myself. My “inner child” – little Lisa-Raie holds on to this hope that if i was only smarter , more helpful, more talented, and without any flaws perhaps I would of been loved. But perhaps my “inner child” was actually defective and unlovable and maybe that’s why the physical symptoms of today are a result of the failure of not finding perfection! These steps are a  self reflection process that I need to take, I am not meaning to self criticise it’s the stepping right back into the dark, to grasp the past so it can be exhaled and removed so healing can take place. I keep hearing my little voice, that inner critic continuing the past experiences and it is screaming toxic shame. I know why, I squashed all of this down – not wanting to remember! I just want to put my fingers in my ears and sing lalalala!!!  

But WAIT, what if I have been beginning to eliminate my past shame by learning the steps through showing my vulnerable side with safe people. Over, the last few months, I’ve begun connecting with safe people, I’ve started telling my story.

Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve started building self trust, by visualising my traumatic childhood as a way to start developing a stronger and more comforting, accepting, secure, and safer adult self.  The best way to learn self trust is to start treating yourself well.

Sitting here surrounded by my husband, one daughter and one son who love me dearly I can see how growing up in a narcissistic environment how much I missed out on healthy role modeling. As I recover these memories, I am feeling failed as a mother and a wife. Sorry, for swearing, BUT fuck this healing is hard! Keep going though, get it out – repair and rewire!!!  I can do this, it’s now that the self rejecting self STOPS and the self repairing  BEGINS. YES, I CAN DO THIS!!! Embrace younger self with the warmth and acceptance and let’s step into exercising the truest form of self love.

Growing up I learnt to focus only on the voice, reactions and power of one person. I think NOW looking at the adult self (ME), I really had no idea how to look internally at my own needs. As a child and teen, I was always striving to please, as a wife, mother and woman in the workplace the same. Always striving to be perfect when in fact there is no such thing as perfect. I think across my life journey particularly as a mother of five children, I developed an internal nurturer but I never really let it have a strong presence for the world to see, in case I was punished somehow. How stupid, tonight as I write I have so much self criticism – oh to release these pits of past perils! Oh self love, oh self love – where are you! Oh crickey, it’s 1.13AM, let me begin a process that can enable this healing journey to resurrect my physical and mental health. 

Step One, tomorrow or may I say later today this list is going to be the intentions I will set myself each and everyday to do for me, to be happy and healthy and live the life that is in all my visions and dreams and to which my purpose and passion pushes me towards.

  1. Meditate
  2. Rehab exercises to rebuild my body 
  3. Say daily that “I am worthy, loved and enough”
  4. If I am tired – that is ok, let myself rest
  5. If I need to cry, let myself cry
  6. Fill my body with good nutrition
  7. Crochet, because creating heals

Okay, so this is just the truest and real start line for where healing illness and recovery from abuse begins. It is a process, that may take a lifetime to release and unravel but with the gracious guidance of my husband who has never strayed and now the solid BUT nurturing rehabilitation team of Erin, Ann and Peter to guide me , I know I will allow myself the gifts of  grace, and small steps to enjoy each day as it comes and be mindful of what I will be experiencing, finding and learning along the way. Ultimately, this recovery process will involve eliminating my little ME, my inner harshest critic and toxic shame that resides in my head so that the physical harm and pain can heal and my body be strengthened without too much harm being done. 
Let me begin, but first let me sleep. 🙏🏻

This has been very confronting writing this blog but also very cathartic. As I press publish, I have such strong anxieties and vulnerabilities flooding pain through every part of my body….and I hope there is something that my words have helped you with.

This moment marks my truest sense of gratitude that life is beginning NOW.
Lisa-Raie 💋
Please connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
” I Am Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

Living A Life Of Contentment 🙏🏻

A lot of people search for ways to find happiness, but I personally think the idea of contentment is more important than happiness.

So why contentment over happiness? 
SIMPLY- 

  1. Happiness can go up or down each day or by the moment, BUT contentment is something more stable.
  2. We seek happiness by adding things like food, a warm bath, time with a loved one but contentment is a skill that allows you to not need those things and still be contented and balanced.
  3. Contentment can actually be a good place to start as we make changes to health, life and simply ourselves.

So what is contentment? For me, it’s about being happy with who we  are as individuals. This is something I wasn’t for many years, and I think is one of the reasons I am slowly becoming more and more my truest self.

As I am journeying life and healing myself , I’m learning to be better with the skill of contentment.  I am happy with my life. I am happy with myself. I’m happy with where I sit myself each and everyday because I now see me for who I am and I love the woman that I’ve grown to be.  I’ve grown and I am still growing in ways that I would never have imagined and part of the reasoning is that I am content with knowing that I am enough in everything that I try and do on any given day. Of course, I still strive for many things but I know that for when one day ends and the next begins, I’ve been and done all that I can do – that is true and total contentment and that is enough!

So let’s take a look at the path of contentment and how it’s a good place for letting change to begin and how to get started down that path. The question is how to get there. How to go from being unhappy with yourself to being content with yourself!

  • The path is learning a few important skills at a time.
  • Build self-trust. The only way to fix a lack of trust is in small steps. You can’t  trust your unreliable self right a way,  instead, it’s about starting to build trust in small steps. Do little things, each day, where you start seeing things showing up. As this begins to happen, you open yourself up more and more to being able to want , think and feel more expansive options in health and life.
  • What I usually do to build trust is to start with small things that I’m totally certain I can do, for instance  drinking a glass of water every day is an easy to do task. If you want to drink more water, like I do set yourself a bunch of reminders in your phone or with notes scattered around your home to remind you to drink more water. Keep that up for a week or more and it will help you to trust yourself. If we try to change hard stuff, we will fail, every time and then your self trust is gone. So start with the small stuff.
  •  The other problem is with finding contentment is the reality of ourselves does not meet some of the ideals we hold in ourselves . That ideal comes from the media, particularly social media in this modern day world. Or are maybe our thoughts, are just coming from some idea about how perfect we think we should be – that was my idea and it’s still a process I am working on releasing.
  • The truth is, the reality of ourselves is only bad in relation to the ideal that we have about ourselves. When we let go of that ideal, we’re left with the reality that can be judged as perfectly great and then we are able being someone who is beautiful in its own special way. It’s a most beautiful feeling to step into the thought when you suddenly realise , “oh I am really worthy and enough”. Life changes so dramatically when these thoughts appear.
  • So ask if you’re feeling bad about who you are and how you are doing. When you can  recognise those traits that is awareness that you are noticing and those traits are your ideals.

Once we notice the ideals, we need to stop comparing ourselves to them. The only way to let go of the ideals is to see the pain that it’s causing in yourself. Letting go of an ideal that’s hurting us, is self-compassion. Being self-compassionate about causing pain within ourselves begins the process of comparing ourselves with these ideals. So are you ready to live a life of true contentment? Are you ready to commit to being really connected to yourself and living a life of contentment.
Let’s connect and wander together within life everyday using social media;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Just Breathe….you are finding yourself ❤️


When we find ourselves, we can truly love ourselves and it’s then we can create ourselves ❤️️

Don’t worry if it’s painful and messy- creations are best found in these situations 🙏🏻
“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that’s why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that’s why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

Let’s connect on social media;

http://www.facebook.com/IAFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Lisa-Raie

Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally “