So what happens when we fall……and we all do!
You know, those moments when we are tired, weary, broken & fucked up!!!!
These thoughts, feelings and actions occur when we live with invisible illness. These are the moments that make us need to keep fighting the pain of being chronically and invisibly ill. Illnesses such as anxiety, depression, autoimmune and neurological disorders fill us with scars that embed deeply into our mental, emotional and physical being.
Beginning the process of healing and recovery from these debilitating illnesses takes work BUT throughout the process and progress, low energy succumbs and we fall……! We tire and perhaps stumble from all the work that it takes to recover AND it affects us…..and if this happens, we fall and we break!!!!
When this happens, we feel that we have fucked everything up……all that progress-RUINED!
But these emotions that come and go when wandering a journey with invisible illness are real and we should not be ashamed of letting the world see them! We haven’t fucked up….it’s a stumble and yeah, if we fall, it’s just that a fall…..stand back up – be present and be YOU! Remember even mentally and physically strong people fall! This conversation that I am having tonight is such a strong anti-suicide message, for why fighting is so important to remember when we are overwhelmed with the chronic pain and suffering of these illnesses.
You are saying. . . but at these moments I’m too tired to keep fighting……Yeah, I get it, I’ve felt really tired too and YES I still tire after all my 15 years fighting……but I won’t give up, I don’t give up!
Invisible illnesses are diseases that can take a life time to recover from. They grind away at our inner most core, sucking the life out of us, just as we are rebuilding ourselves up from the ground. The fight becomes a moment to moment battle everyday and as we go, we have to listen to the self whispering, but more than that we have to stand up to our voices and the external voices who don’t recognise our illnesses as illnesses……it’s exhausting, and it’s why we get tired, weary and feel broken and fucked up!
These illnesses, these invisible fucking illnesses never take holidays so every day and every night you have to fight, fight and fight again. You might be finding the biggest reasons in the world to give up, but those reasons don’t need to be your reality. In fighting these illnesses, no one can see or know how hard you’re working to keep going every day. The fight is hard and in the walk to recovery you will feel broken.
BUT, WE NEED TO FIGHT……I know, you are saying, you don’t want too, sometimes I have said that too, but you don’t get to stop. I’m sorry, but the statistics say life is better than death and I insist you go on living……I am and I do!
But the good news is that when you choose to fight, you choose to take your next breath. Our invisible illnesses want to steal us of everything that we want to and need to experience today, tomorrow and the days after that. But we are not going to let these illnesses win. We are going to breathe in and out, one breath at a time, each and everyday knowing that this is our best fight and it’s enough, it will always be enough, because I am enough and you are enough!
Being tired is OK. Being weary is OK, feeling broken and yelling that we have fucked up is OK. But by taking the next breath…..after the yelling session, is all we need to do…..because that’s the process of the healing fight.
If you are resonating with my thoughts, feelings and conversations tonight please let me know, by liking and sharing this blog.
I write about my experiences with wandering a journey with all the invisible illnesses that are part of me because when we share our stories we connect and help each other.
I am a advocate and speaker who has made it my mission to change the way healing and recovery is seen for all that live with invisible illness.
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If you are struggling……that’s ok but remember to find the breath…..breathe in and breathe out so the fight continues.