FEAR – WTF are you?

Fear – WTF are you ?
This time of the year, brings in an abundance of emotions for me as I enter so many medical specialists rooms for review. 

Yesterday was particularly emotionally draining, taking me into a spectrum of myself that I don’t really like but alas one that remains whilst health remains unbalanced. That is fear!
Nonetheless, yesterday came and with my courage I walked into the familiar hospital room and awaited for the appointment with my neurosurgeon . This was an appointment, learning if my inoperable brain tumour was the same as last review, or had it grown! Staying the same size in growth would be the best outcome as it would mean that life remains, wandering as I have been for the last six months, growing internally and healing externally. Unfortunately that best outcome, was not the case – the motherfucking growth inside my head, had not only grown slightly,it was now the size of a small nectarine.
My courage suddenly shrunk, I was immediately moving into a state of fear – in a state of discomfort, exposing myself to a place where I don’t like being. That place is so very vulnerable. But, somehow. I stayed strong and I was able to converse with the neurosurgeon about the best case scenario. Which was to begin a type of radiation therapy that in most cases, kills the live cells within the tumour, stopping any further growth.
This strength I found, in such circumstances,  was me being fearless in the very centre of fear! I had not been able to do fearless, before this! I was at the roundabout, again looking at my old self but seeing who i want to be, no wait actually who i am. This thing, we call fear, it strikes in circumstances that can’t be seen – It then comes and it pulls stronger than gravity itself! The rest of the day became an incredible internal battle where I actually found myself, desperately searching for safety, holding on to every kind of mindful sanity i have come to know. I could easily have cried and God only knows I’ve done a lot of that, I could have screamed , why the fuck does it happen to me BUT in the end it’s about not only staying alive BUT it’s about living the life most important to my truest self.
Yesterday’s moments have truly taught me, what my truest self has been learning over a well walked journey. That learning curve is that, I continually want to grow and embrace new, versions of myself again and again. I definitely know that my true self wants and needs to be in the now, allowing the forward steps to flow like my inner most breath. 
The truest sense of me has broken all of the bull shit boundaries that have been blocking what I want most for life in the whole. With the steps made, I am now able to really show up, filled with a courage but yet with a raw honesty that doesn’t hide from anything or anyone. 

These moments, are the moments that stand still! These moments are those times, when you stand up and say “Fuck this is real and so am I”. When I sit still, like I am now, I can see the parts of me that create fear and courage all in one. That inner vision, allows me to know that everything will always be ok, because when I acknowledge the uneasy moments, life goes on turning discomfort into bliss. This journey becomes an ongoing process that will come and go when I step in and out of life’s movements.
For so long, I’ve been telling myself to find myself and my truest purpose. Yesterday, proved I’ve done it – well it’s in progress. I’m not only finding the path to my truest self but I am also wandering towards the destination of my purposeful message. 
This path of mine, wandered with chronic health conditions, some known and others leading me with a blackened mask have been one of the hardest I’ve had to endure. But since,acknowledging all of my fucked up shit, I’ve been able to step into fear as a companion. 

From, this moment, I want to take on life as an opportunity to be brave, to be courageous. I want to come alive and show myself and the world who I really am. I am not my complex health conditions, I am me, a woman of substance and so many variances.  I can do this…..I am doing this. 

Fear, WTF…….you’ve brought me home! Home to ME.
These are lessons learnt over a long walk but which make me so proud and if you are walking a similar path I hope I may have helped you see something in yourself. 

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“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Hold my hand and let us heal together…

Healing and recovery takes time, it can’t be rushed and oh so even more becomes true to my heart as I listen to many speak of their wish to be well but not knowing what to do, because they are feeling so alone. The healing journey that we embark on is often filled with imperfect moments, but as we keep moving forward those moments wrap us with so much love and light.

So, I began thinking and wow when this happens – I go deep into thought! 

Then, all of a sudden it became clear. If you are on a healing and/or recovery journey, I am inviting you to join hands with me, so that we can generate, develop and deepen our  gratitude and begin a journey of awakening and aligned health.

How will this work? I want us to connect and honor our lives from this very moment – yes right NOW!

I want us to help one another find power in our bodies everyday .

This can be done through mindfulness, so let us begin if you dare;

 I want us everyday, to sit up straight,  if that is comfortable for you. Let us place our feet flat on the ground, barefoot if possible. You may prefer however to join me sitting in lotus or cross legged position, again with our backs straight. Then we will place one hand on our lower abdomens and one hand on our hearts.

By doing this on a daily basis, we are empowering our inner most soul, if you like – we are saying hello, telling ourselves how much we care for ourselves. Our bodies and souls and are seeking healing hands and by wandering together using these strategies we can support each other in this process. 

As we sit, now it’s most important to say;

  • I love myself, I honor and appreciate myself having the power to help me connect more deeply to myself.
  • I am most grateful for the support that I receive on my healing journey.

 By either chanting these words or just meditating on them, you are calling  on you. You are giving yourself so much respect for all you have done and not done. You are also appreciating everything that life has helped or is helping to give to you.

This is mind power or mental wellness and it helps us to visualise an abundance of beautiful lights that wander throughout our bodies on any given day . When we can dive more deeply into ourselves, we can nourish ourselves with this and so much more love and light. 

Is this mental wellness or regime of mind power part of your daily regime? If it is, what do you visualise and when you do, what do you look like. I would love to know? If you haven’t begun a mental wellness daily regime, how could you begin to add this into your day. If this has helped you, please like and share my post. Also connect with me on my social media channels;




“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

Once upon a dark time has turned into divine shiny me time….

Once upon a time there was this barefoot little lady so lost in the dark that she had no energy for anything in life….so divine time and selfcare time fell to the land of whatever, whenever and never!

She then awakened as me…….and finding divine me time with the truest form of self care & self love being created.

I work so hard on healing my health and life for me and the greater world, that is so beautiful to find products that bring me to life. In looking for products, I am so focused on finding natural and environmentally friendly products. 

One product that ticks these boxes and also repairs my damaged locks is Hello Hair. I love the fact that their products are vegan – yes that means, no animal products are going into your hair or body and products have been tested free of cruelty. I apply Hello Hair to my  hair once a week, and I can see such a difference already. My dry stressed out hair is truly recovering with the hydrating hair mask. It is so easy to use, I use it in my normal shower applying the mask  and then washing it out by shampooing and conditioning my  hair as normal but you can use it on dry hair. I am finding that Hello Hair products are assisting me in managing my dry, flaky scalp issues that many of my autoimmune health conditions cause. I can tell you honestly the hair mask leaves my hair feeling softer and healthier.  Step into some divine you time by perhaps checking out Hello Hair.

I hope where ever you are, you are finding some self care time – it’s so very important for optimum health and life.

Much love ❤️ 

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“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Why I’ve changed my name…..and begun a new life. 💋

A lot of people are asking me – why have you changed your name from “Lisa Raie” to “Harmoni Shakti”?

  Well, let me explain;

Changing my name so dramatically isn’t something many do, so it is probably why so many people are asking me why???  I could keep answering the questions as they come, but I thought it would be good and insightful to tell the story of why I changed it, what the process is like and what Ive learned from it.

Why I did I change my name  –  Well, firstly let me say changing my name is not an easy process and I’ve had to take lots of things into account, still am. But one main reason of why I did it – was my stepping outside of the abuse that I had long endured as a child AND changing the name was the final key that allowed me to step into my truest self, the healing I’ve needed to live the life I love .  My old name gave me too many bad memories! That  person, that me with the old name continually felt squashed with anxiety and illness. Being called the old name I felt like I was always being spat on or as a lesser woman and I could not truly wander towards healing and wellness as I wanted.

Having these thoughts continually spiking my every breath, became monotonous on physical, emotional and mental health. All I ever tried to do was to fit in at school and life, the last thing I expected was that I had to basically wrestle with my father  over how I was expected to be. I was expected to be that “Little Lisa” – seen and not heard! 
Of course – living a life like that was intolerable! I wanted to be free, I wanted the best but I didn’t like being told that I was not good enough, or no you can’t do that – that’s not professional enough! As I was releasing the abuse that came from this childhood, I knew I wanted to change my name. I knew I wanted to choose a unique name that almost nobody else in the world had. I also knew that I wanted my name to flow with the spirit of the soul that I was awakening too.

And so with my new name chosen, which I must tell you,  I think it is pretty cool, but it’s also fiercely freeing and cathartic as I continue to release the many things that have ever held me back. It has also begun a true continuation of the healing journey back to optimum wellness that I have been attempting for over ten years. All of this, also is in a sense, me being in control of a life after seemingly having no control for many many  years!  

Going back to the decision, I knew changing my name was also the right thing to do, as I had never been very tied to the name and I think it was because of the abuse that I had endured.  As a teenager, was the first occasion I began to outgrow my given name. I don’t place a lot of importance on the still living people from my family,  because simply we don’t have anything in common and I don’t want to be  abused anymore. I am now me, with a new name with the truthful self now able to stand in the everyday status of the world helping myself but also helping others. I also think, in my case, the ties with my narcissistic father choosing my name was another reason that the change had to be made.  I know that most of my family members and friends who now know I’ve changed my name are not upset, although they can’t understand why Ive done it and maybe they never will! I have no contact with my abusive father but I do know, he would think my decision was stupid and probably as a matter of revenge. 

So begins the process of changing my name, it legally is very tough.  The legal process now, is about the convenience of having my preferred name match my legal name and an exciting new chapter in my life. It has brought up some tough feelings towards particularly my father and how I feel about my childhood. It also brings up memories of a mother now not living , but I know she would of supported this decision.  I kind of expected these feelings, that come and go and by formally following the name changing  process, I can continue to get some deep issues out in the open as a result of my name change and truly heal physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Choosing my new name is a weird process. Basically, I could choose anything I wanted to, so long as it is deemed appropriate by the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages. There is a lot of paperwork as I said before to get my name changed legally, and I am still deciding between two name variations: “Harmoni Shakti” and “Harmoni Raie Shakti”. The name has to be accepted as appropriate. I also have to specify a reason for changing it in more detail than simply “personal” or “professional reasons.” This is why I am now using my new name already. I am hoping my reason for change, that it is confusing for my legal name to not match my professional name.

Changing my name has made me think a lot more about the importance of what our names mean to us in every way. I mean, have you ever thought about your name and how you use it throughout your life, how you associate your name with your personality. It really is interesting to ponder, just how much our names affect our lives. For those that see my name change as offensive, especially towards my family or just unnecessary, I hope I have given some insight and clearance but I will not get upset by your thoughts or actions as it is my decision and in the end it’s my life that I am living.

 Changing my name has made me feel good in terms of bucking the status quo and questioning things that I have taken for granted for years and years and the confidence it has also given me, is beyond clear that this  is the right decision. Here is the thing, that I’ve noticed since changing my name, when I’m having a bad day and I look in the mirror, the first thing that pops into my head is my birth name. I don’t know why – BUT then I will repeat to my reflection; “Good Bye old soul – I’m the new, improved me with the new, improved name – stand proud and shine.” Do you know what happens, I shine. Those bad days are becoming less and less as my confidence and the healing process becomes more dominant. My old self with the old name was never in control. But being the new woman with the new name, i can be my fiercely independent self that I’ve always wanted and thus healing and important life decisions can be made lived and loved.

So moving on with a life to love,  I feel like my new name represents me better as who I am now. I am Harmoni, the barefoot goddess shining a light using yoga and meditation to raise awareness and guidance for healing and loving life.

Much love 

Harmoni (AKA The Barefoot Goddess) 💋

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“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally “

As the rambles continue…..

You know those days & even when you live a clean and free life , you will have them……don’t squash them in – let them out…… rant them, cry them, scream them……

Shadows that scream when I’m alone EVEN when I’m not alone….ahhhh yes it’s just that I’ve got a migraine! It’s the internal war that rages behind my face and above my throat!My pain will be up, down, and sideways!

BUT let it be said what the headache represents is me defending in suspense!

It’s me suspended in a defenseless test!

Being tested by a ruthless universe examiner !

One moment of weakness , doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated- it’s you stopping to rest, stopping to restore! Let that headache, that migraine heal and tomorrow you will be strong again! You will stand and you will conquer!

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“Wandering Towards Wellness,Globally”