As the rambles continue…..

You know those days & even when you live a clean and free life , you will have them……don’t squash them in – let them out…… rant them, cry them, scream them……

Shadows that scream when I’m alone EVEN when I’m not alone….ahhhh yes it’s just that I’ve got a migraine! It’s the internal war that rages behind my face and above my throat!My pain will be up, down, and sideways!

BUT let it be said what the headache represents is me defending in suspense!

It’s me suspended in a defenseless test!

Being tested by a ruthless universe examiner !

One moment of weakness , doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated- it’s you stopping to rest, stopping to restore! Let that headache, that migraine heal and tomorrow you will be strong again! You will stand and you will conquer!

#iamthebarefootgoddess , if you resonate please like and share my blogs as by sharing our stories we raise awareness and inspire each other . Also remember to join me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

#migraines #ajourneyintime #testingme #teachingme #breatheingoddess #kundalinirising #kundalinihealing #iwalkandiwander #Findingpeace #findingme #beingme #joinmeonthisjourney
“Wandering Towards Wellness,Globally”

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Nobody Sees…..

Nobody sees me, nobody at all.

Nobody sees me at 3am when I should be asleep but the pain from the tip of my head to my toes is filled with pain.
Nobody sees me, nobody at all.

Nobody sees me,

trip and stumble

Nobody sees me,

put the TV remote control in the freezer

Nobody sees me,

put the house keys in peculiar places

again
and again.

Nobody sees 
when your so tired, that you can’t even take your bra off each night,

Nobody sees

when you are still in the same clothes, 3 – 5 days in a row….

It is such a glamorous life

being chronically & invisibly ill!
Nobody sees you

trying to stay calm…..CALM what the fuck is that,

when you are chronically and invisibly ill!

Nobody sees you
when you fix lunches or dinner

because you said, you were OK

AGAIN and again 

and again, EVERYDAY!

Nobody sees you

sitting over the sick bucket in the middle of the night

Nobody sees

your inner self  kicking, swearing and shouting,

trying desperately to hold it together
NO, nobody sees you

holding on, like you are a trapeze artist on a tightrope of chaos.

Nobody sees you 

getting up
and sitting down

then getting back up 

then falling to the floor

Nobody ever sees you when the days are so dark and gloomy!
No, nobody ever sees that you just didn’t leave the house for one whole week.
NO – Nobody FUCKING saw that !

Oh what a glamorous life,

to be chronically and invisibly ill!

Nobody sees

when you were so empty

but you still gave something

or  made something

and continually saying sorry for being cross, again and again!

NO nobody sees that real YOU!

Nobody sees all of the things that you do, or the ways that you manage, when REALLY you can’t manage at all!!!

and then there are those questions,

“you don’t look sick”

‘when are you going to go back to work?’

I can tell you, 

living with chronically and invisible illnesses 

are jobs in themselves 

and they are seriously one of the hardest jobs anyone can ever have to face

because you are simply reduced to sitting around at home
and nobody sees you , nobody sees that
But through all the torture 

there is something you are building 

sonething that  will never be torn down

– THAT SOMETHING IS INNER STRENGTH 

So remember 
When nobody saw how much you gave

every day

every night

every morning 

every afternoon 

and every moment.

Well let me tell you , I saw you and I felt you, 
 I think you are so wonderful , so BRAVE 

STAY STRONG because just because there are BAD days, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a BAD life!

If you are chronically and invisibly ill and you resonate with this please like and share and if you haven’t connected please do so on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Chronic & Mental Illness Doesn’t Change Me From Whom I Was….So Please Don’t Stigmatise ME!!!

So as I lay here this warm summer evening in  Australia and I am thinking about the multiple chronic illnesses that I have. But there is one that stands out for all the wrong reasons! That health condition is Functional Neurological Disorder. It was a condition, that was not offered to me, but as many others it was given. The road wandered is hard! Some days it can feel like I am not really that sick, but then there are the najority of days that leave me wondering, why I have to be one of the small percentage of people around the globe that have to endure the most horrible pain and suffering that anyone has to deal with. 

Unfortunately, this is the hand I’ve been dealt , so let me get to , walking on and strong. It’s how I choose to use this hand throughout my life. This health condition which is Functional Neurological Disorder, will keep you down in such darkness or uplift you to such sunny skies. I can tell you that FND, can keep you tied down or it can you lift you up!  I have used so many different treatment plans and therapies. BUT , now I’ve found a path . It’s allowed me to walk past and through the ‘denial phase’ , where I just didn’t want to know. I am now in the ‘acceptance phase’ where I understand the difficulties that I face and that I will face.  

BUT , now all I want is to be the light, so that I can shine for others, through their phases  – initial and long term !  As we get ready to welcome the new year in, I will be launching two books, one about my own illness and life journeys and one filled with stories from my brothers & sistas  and their journeys. I have also created a storyline for my awareness documentary , a Ebook stepping the baby steps using yummy healthy vegan food..

If this resonates with you again , please connect and join my little tribe, because when we walk together, we simply the sun and our lives.

So if you broken, please know you are not alone and you definitely don’t need to stay broken, I am here and we are here together and we will become strong again.

Much love 

Lisa-Raie

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

That’s The Thing About Pain….It Demands To Be Felt 🙏🏻


People who suffer from severe, chronic pain and illness know how it can change life. It is so very cruel making it hard to enjoy even the most simple daily tasks. Chronic pain as illness is still not that well understood. The medical industry used to believe that pain was a underlying injury or disease. With these thought patterns doctors focused on treating the underlying cause of the pain, with the belief that once the injury or disease was cured the chronic pain or illness would also disappear. If doctors found no underlying cause  for the illness or pain, then the patient was told that very few treatments would be available, or worse, “the pain must be in your head.” It’s sad to say, but some doctors still practice these thoughts , having no appreciation for the unique problem of newer theories about chronic pain and illness.

Luckily there is a new community starting to understand that if pain or illness is no longer a function of a healthy nervous system then the chronic illness/pain itself becomes the problem and needs to be treated as the primary point of call.

We the chronic pain and illness patients need to stand as one, to raise awareness so that more conversations are started and more research for information and treatments are given.
Do you walk through life with chronic pain or illness- if so please connect with me! If we all walk together, our global governments and health care departments will need to listen and make appropriate choices and changes.

Connect with me today on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Let’s walk together for our health

Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

I Am My Power, NOT My Chronic Illnesses…..    

Living with multiple chronic illnesses is hard – NO, WAIT ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE AT TIMES!!!!!
This week, if you’ve been following my journey, you would of seen it’s been immensely difficult. Getting to the end of this week and knowing I didn’t want to spiral any further down the gurgling dark hole again – I knew that I needed to shift the energy caused by my chronic health battle. I needed to make things happen, rather than just evolving by letting them happen repeatedly. I’ve come to learn that I am more than these illnesses that crush my existence, so that’s just what I did. I realised, I could own my power.

What do I mean, that I could own my power? Well for me, the new inner power came because I allowed thoughts of being supported by myself, for myself. Finding my own power has allowed me to release and truly let the magic replace the irritating experiences of darkness. I’m not saying, that I’ve removed the chronic pain and illness flares that build up inside my body, no not at all- but what I’ve found is by giving myself back the power- I can be in charge of what happens, in these times and not my health complexities.

  • These last two days, having this newly understood power feels wonderful and I want to be able to have these feelings stay with me, as I wander towards wellness and a life that is loved. So, let me give you my thoughts on how I’ve found my power and how I will keep it shining through in each day.
  • For way to long, I’ve had to wander around and around within my chronic illnesses, at times feeling like I am a tangled ball of yarn. My illnesses have controlled everything past, present and everything in between, leaving me unable to breathe my positive thoughts on life as I wanted it to be. Through these thoughts, negative consciousness connects and all of a sudden life becomes dark. These thoughts and the situations become reoccurring patterns of behaviour and soon enough the power is lost. Thinking about this as the last week kept disappearing into the darkened mist, I knew that I didn’t want to become tangled up inside my illnesses anymore. What I’ve found is that I’ve had this power all the time and it’s just about unleashing it when times get tough and it all revolves around changing my thoughts and releasing the pain to allow space for fresh breath and the magic of new experiences and opportunities to connect in me.
  • Living with these illnesses like I do, causes me to withdraw into myself. I can tell you, when I let myself withdraw further and further within, my head begins to play crazy tricks on every level of my life. So, the power begins by focusing on the positive and healthy path that I wander. At times of chronic flares and when it all looks like disaster, I need to find a way to clear some of the messy clutter from my head, allowing my brain much needed space to regather, recharge and renew the journey of life for me to wander.
  • The messy clutter occurs because of the negative thoughts and experiences that chronic illness causes to every aspect of life. There are instances within my journey of health challenges and lifestyle battles that I know cause me to breakdown. Once, I breakdown, so do the illnesses that lay inside me. I know now, to stay in my own power I need to remove that negative clutter that reoccurs far to often. I need to allow myself space within myself so that when I need to stop and rest I can do just that. This will allow myself to journey forward with the positive vibration that I absolutely love to feel.

It is amazing what I’ve learnt in just two days about being in my own power. It has actually allowed me to believe in myself more, than ever before. This has all happened because of the power of journaling and sharing my experiences through this blog. You see, as I was journaling my thoughts and feelings, prior to translating it into that last blog I was finding myself more open to the idea that i can have, be AND do whatever it is that want, despite the nastiness of the illnesses that I live with. By journaling my thoughts, feelings and emotions outwardly I create so much more space, to concentrate on the positive mindset and visual purpose of life. Journaling and blogging has given me the independence and the confidence to talk outwardly about my pain, my sadness, allowing me to release and let go of all the unwanted mess that would otherwise remain locked inside of me. Having this power now on the outside, I can concentrate on controlling the innermost movements using mindfulness with my beloved yoga and meditation that somehow got lost in the journey with darkness. I’m back in a place where I can visualise life being as I want it, not as it feels in my body during the chronic pain experiences. Now is the time to take my power to the new levels helping others that maybe feeling the same. I’m going to write and write and when I need to stop and rest I will write some more because it’s going to allow me to breathe in the bliss that’s required to owning our own dreams and lives. When I can do that, it is possible to dissolve the challenges that chronic illness brings and let’s the magic of new opportunities and experiences to arrive at the door. I have the power and I will be now learning the process so that I can remain standing in this newly understood power. I know that, circumstances will come through and throw curve balls but by journaling and translating them into blogs and verbal conversations I will guarantee that I give myself the best chance of being the power of me.

Have you found your power, if so I would love to hear how you found your way into that space. I would also love to hear from you, if you continue to struggle with being in charge of your journey. Make sure you connect here or through one of my social media channels.

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Lisa-Raie 

(AKA the Barefoot FND Goddess) 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Depression & Chronic Illness, Deconstruct Your Every Breath…..

Tonight I write in a dark place……

The last week, I’ve noticed both mind and body sliding- is it because of all the therapies I’ve begun- is it a virus or an infection that has gotten hold of my immune system! No matter what it is life seems so unworthy of and for me right now! Things literally have me thinking that I have no resources for helping myself or anyone else. So why the fuck am I wandering this path for awareness for Functional Neurological Disorder & the many other chronic illnesses- well these circumstances are why!!

I know very well now, that surviving the depression that my health takes me into is so very scary. I also know that when these dark thoughts start reappearing it’s the red warning light flickering that I need to take even better care of myself. You see, depression and chronic illness deconstructs my every breath bringing the reappearance of the big scraggy black dog waltzing back through the door. This frightens the hell out of me and that’s something, even the most beautiful people around me doing all they can will never understand- christ I don’t even know why this, health roller coaster and its dog friend does this either.

In this last week I’ve completely lost my way, including an appetite for food and life,  so I thought if I jumped back into my strict juicefasting and meditation regime I could regather my energy and thoughts. But, alas no, I’ve become even more lethargic and exhausted – I have aches and pains like the worst autoimmune flare that ever there was! I don’t want to go to my many appointments and therapies – I just want it all to stop! I am done adulting!
So with those thoughts, I come back to today and it has felt like I literally can’t keep doing this any longer BUT oh I do!  What the fuck – I am full of contradictions tonight- I don’t want to live BUT, yet I want to live and fill my life with the visions, dreams and passions that fill me with hope and take the dark away. So, this is why I ramble tonight because I know I have some ability in reaching out into the world through blog , letting you, the one that is struggling too know,  it’s not just you that feels this destructive pull! Together through my scrambled thoughts and feelings of pain and sadness, hope and healing there is a future-if we can just see through the mist and messyness that life sits us in right now!

So, as I mentioned as this last week has moved forward- I’ve noticed my appetite disappearing, well to be perfect honest, I don’t have a big one anyway so to lose interest altogether- I know is wrong! WHY – because i know that i need food for energy and if I have no energy i can’t feel okay. I’m not saying that increasing my diet is going to fix these problems I am feeling but across my wandered journey I know that good healthy nutrition, helps more than everyone realises. I’ve learnt something about living with debilitating illnesses that affect my ability to eat and that is when I have a sustained and healthier appetite with clean nutrition it allows for a better and brighter ‘ME’ and if that’s the case I can function better which means just perhaps my mind and body will be able to recover from its functional flaws that I battle with at present.

Journaling tonight, right now seems cathartic, however I feel still so discouraged with this dark space that I have again landed in! I can’t believe what my physical health has done to my mental health and viceversa. I know I’m just scrambling at this point because it’s a matter of holding myself together.

Falling into depression and such darkness is my most difficult path with living with multiple chronic illnesses all of the time. I’m so tired of it. It is what makes me lose hope, but then I hear my medical specialists words whispering “there is time for everything YOU want life to be – it maybe different from the original vision, but life is still there for you to live”. With, these whispers, I just need to hold on. 

I dont know you, yes YOU, that is reading this or maybe I do BUT I know I definitely don’t know your individual struggles. I know we all have them at some point and if you are reading my struggles tonight, then I believe there’s hope and a reason I both put pen to paper and then to blog. This message is for me, but it’s for you too – Just surviving until tomorrow is  enough. Then, when tomorrow rises, let us then look at that day. What is important is that we stay alive and keep fighting for something better – something much better than this.I know it  won’t get any better if i give up. Suicide is not an option. If you have suicidal thoughts creeping into your mind, it is those even bigger flickering red warning lights telling yourself to be nicer to you in every way you can and I know because I’ve been in that place and that’s what scares me with this darkness that I sit in now. 

As I ponder for a moment, I realise that the words written are my ways, for again talking my  way through the mess and mist, whilst reaching for support. Let me reach for a  glass of water and take care of myself physically and the mental part will follow. I hope wherever you are and if you’ve resonated with this – you too will be able to reach for a glass of water and look after yourself tonight too and together we will get through this. 

Much Love

Lisa-Raie 💋
You can connect with me through;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

My Brain & Body Are Affected By Chronic Stress and Illness….So Much More Than I Knew.

After meeting with my neurologist yesterday afternoon and having discussions about my chronic health conditions, she began to talk about chronic stress and what it does to both body and brain. As a woman living everyday with “Functional Neurological Disorder “and other invisible illnesses, knowing that battling various obstacles from both brain and body not working, this subject has really left me, wanting to learn so much more . As my neurologist spoke, I could feel that my knowledge regarding chronic stress was about to go to new levels.  I new that chronic stress increased the stress hormone cortisol but I really didn’t have any ideas that the affects on our brain functions was so extreme, putting us at risk from many mental and physical illnesses.

BUT, STOP RIGHT THERE – STRESS IS VERY MUCH A PART OF MODERN LIFE!

What, I’ve discovered is that there are two kinds of main stress . These are acute stress and chronic stress and not all stress is bad for you. Acute stress is the cause to an immediate threat or action and is more commonly known as the ‘fight or flight’ response. When you are in a pattern of acute stress once the threat has passed, your levels of stress hormones return to normal with no permanent effects. It is actually thought that some level of acute stress is even thought to be good as it assists your brain reach peak performance. However chronic stress, which is the kind of stress that most of us face on any given day is the stress that can cause severe health concerns. Having a ever rising level of stress hormones not only makes our bodies sick and it negatively impacts the brain too. This is what struck the fear chord within me, as when stress becomes chronic, it changes the brain’s function and even its structure down to the level of our DNA. 

So what is so dangerous about the stress hormone, cortisol. So I needed to find out about these stress hormones that we have within our bodies. Firstly we have adrenalin which is the stress hormone we make in moments of excitement and is what makes us work or perform even better than we would normally have. Adrenalin assists us and it also does not stay in the body, disappearing as quickly as it was produced . Cortisol, as spoken about earlier and on the other hand, moves through our bodies all day long, making it so very dangerous. Cortisol is the number one enemy for everyone and can lead to many adverse health conditions such as digestive problems, autoimmune illnesses and cancer, just to name a few.

CHRONIC STRESS TAKES A MAJOR TOLL ON ADRENAL GLANDS.

Chronic stress can leave you feeling exhausted, it can cause weight gain, mood swings, poor sleep, short attention span, and memory issues just to name a few of the common signs of a elevated cortisol level . So this demonstrates just how stress and cortisol can take a toll on our bodies but these symptoms can and do also take an equally high toll on our brains. Some of the brain related stress symptoms are obvious when pointed out , these can include memory problems, anxiety, and worry. The horrible thing is though that most of these symptoms of stress on our brains are not noticeable until they get much worse, affecting parts of our bodies. Making diagnoses very difficult. Here are some key issues that causes stress to impact both brain mental health and physical well being. I’ve learnt that chronic stress creates free radicals that destroy our brain cells. Free radicals attack brain cells causing them damage and death as they basically break our brain cell walls causing them to rupture. Losing sleep, eating junk food, drinking too much alcohol, or smoking cigarettes all add to our free radical overload. Chronic stress can make us extremely forgetful. The sign of memory problems can often be one of the first signs of stress you will notice as you misplace commonly used items or forget usual appointments. Chronic stress can create a most vicious circle of fear and anxiety. You see stress builds up in an area of our brain referred to the fear centre. This makes us more scared, causing even more fear and stress and again stops the production of new brain cells. Chronic stress can lower critical brain chemical levels causing depression. The reduced levels of  serotonin and dopamine can leave you depressed and more prone to multiple health complexities. Serotonin is namely the “happy chemical . It plays a major role in mood, learning and sleep. Women low in serotonin are prone to anxiety and depression, while men are more prone to alcoholism and ADHD. Dopamine on the other hand is named as the “motivation chemical”and is in charge of your pleasure system. Low levels of dopamine can leave you not focused, lethargic, and again depressed. People low in dopamine may often use caffeine, sugar, alcohol, and illicit drugs to boost dopamine levels. Looking at STRESS so much more closely it is so visible that it puts us all at greater risk of various mental health conditions. The cause of most mental health illnesses is not yet understood and personally I wonder if the true answers will ever be found because the causes are a complex variety of factors. A lot more research is needed, but it has been discovered that physical differences in the brains of people with stress disorders.

From looking at stress this way, I can see why it makes me personally feel chronically stupid at times. In my particular journey with stress, my brain appears to seize up randomly and with no rhyme or reason. Stress impairs memory and at times impacts making decisions very difficult. I had heard, that chronic stress can shrink the brain. Well, yes STRESS can measurably shrink your brain and my neurologist did explain this very clearly. It was described to me that the dangerous levels of cortisol can destroy and shrink, the part of your brain that stores memories. This sector of our brain is critical for learning, memory and emotional responses and when we are chronically stressed, toxins enter our brain, however the brain is highly sensitive to toxins of every kind. When stressed our brains safety barrier becomes thinner, thus letting such things as heavy metals, chemicals, and other harsh toxins. All of this putting us more at risk of a multitude of worrying illnesses and diseases and it also contributes to brain inflammation and depression. I was amazed to learn that our brains have their own individual immune systems. This internal immune system protects our brain and spinal cord from infections and toxins. All of this new and thorough understanding of what chronic stress does, has given me more insight to why happiness and peace of mind is destroyed so very deeply. It wears us down mentally, emotionally and saps the joy from life physically and it is any wonder, finding a way out of such darkness takes enormous strength when such symptoms of stress include;

  • excessive worry and fear
  • anger and frustration
  • impatience with self and othersmood swings, crying spells and / or suicidal thoughts
  • insomnia
  • trouble with concentration 
  • forgetfulness, mental confusion
  • difficulty in making decisions
  • feeling overwhelmed

I now know why when I walked out of the neurologists room, I felt a inner request for further information of what is gurgling away within my own chronic illness journey. I sat and cried, I have to admit because, I know now why it is so difficult for the modern world in which we live to understand stress and the illnesses that are caused by it. But, having a more subtle insight to how chronic stress becomes allows me to better understand my own healing journey towards reducing my stress levels and repairing and rebuilding both body and brain to my desired lifestyle. 

I have wandered far and wide, looking for tips and tricks over the years to overcome stress throughout my wandering steps. Going forward, I will be definitely going to be more proactive in using these particular steps to help my own body overcome the harmful effects that have had on my brain. I will be going back to my vegan diet, eating foods high in antioxidants such as fruit, vegetables and green tea. This will assist in stopping further free radical damage.

Increasing mindfulness back into my daily practice will become so very important to boost levels of food energy into the brain. My journey with debilitating illnesses has left me disabled mentally and physically, so rebuilding can’t be strenuous. I am undertaking NeuroPhysio sessions based on pilates and I now know this is particularly important. As I gain more confidence and strength again, I  will be able to walk more steadily.  I also now have the belief to again use yoga and meditation exercises to heal my mind and body. Using a daily meditation practice reduces stress. Yoga and meditation are alternative tools for being able to master and strengthen our thoughts because as we know stress does not just come from our  life events, it also comes from our inner most thoughts and  negative reactions with regard to these events.

I know, learning more about, how chronic stress effects body and brain has helped me and I also hope that has given you better information of how it is an unavoidable part of our lives. But I certainly have learnt that proactive and positive steps, can definitely reduce the wear and tear on bodies and brain. I will be definitely incorporating a more mind/body selfcare program again to ensure I can manage all aspects of my life so much better because my brain health is just as important or more as my physical health.

Please let me know your thoughts by leaving feedback here or on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Snapchat 👻 – simply_lisaraie 

“Wandering Towards A Life Of Wellness”