Once Upon A Time…..Living With A Body Filled With Invisible Illness.

Once Upon A Time……….

That is how all good fairytales begin right!!! But let me tell you all, this story aint no fairytale! This is my story of living filled with chronically invisible illnesses that many no little about….!!!

So let me begin……..

Once, I lived what seemed a normal life with normal dreams – I was living in the ‘burbs’ with my husband and five young children. My dreams were for health and happiness. I dreamt of us owning our own home, going on fantastic holidays and becoming a top financial accountant to help achieve the goals. For a time…..that was reality!

But, WOW – taking a trip back down memory lane, shows just how different life can turn out! That was over TWENTY YEARS ago, because gosh, I’ve been living a life filled with invisible illness for over 15 years NOW!!!!!

Invisible illness came to greet me through a journey that will be another story but as a taster I was introduced to lupus SLE, wegeners granulomatosis, ulcerative colitis, RA and run ins with a couple of different cancers. That journey found me, delving into many hospital visits and clinging to life numerous times…….

It was a battle……one continuous battle that had no end. With each fight, I would search for something new, some kind of healing magic that would allow all the pain, hurt and angst to be gone. The year 2015 came and the holistic modalities that I had been starting to use were beginning to help me – I was finding what is referred to as remission! I was able to open my own business – a holistic wellness centre helping others through coaching, teaching yoga and meditation. Life had a new set of goals and dreams…… The later part of that year, felt me tiring but I kept on pushing, Christmas 2015 came and went. The year 2016 delivered me an explosion that just went BANG! I wasn’t expecting it. I initially thought that it was just flares from the autoimmune and connective tissue illnesses…..but although doctors and specialists could see flares, previous medications and treatments were not helping these new symptoms. As more and more tests were done, I was growing more tired of all the pain and suffering. It was affecting my mood more and more as well…..to the extent that I began researching how to kill myself. I, of course kept this to myself just continuing to push myself knowing that something would show up in the medical tests. 2016…..April, May and June moved along….. my health was deteriorating with more and more strange symptoms that included balance issues and seizures…..but nothing could be determined by medical practitioners. July 2016, brought about a massive seizure leaving me unable to speak, a dropped face and paralysis down my right side. My husband wanted me to go to the hospital immediately…..but at this time, I was almost done with hospitals so I stayed at home. After a few days my face and speech did improve but I couldn’t walk…..the balance was as if I was on a tightrope and my walking gait was non existent. I went to hospital- immediately admitted! More tests over and over again! I had doctors and specialists surrounding me like flies on a hot day……but still no concrete reason! Late one afternoon, one particular specialist tipped me over the edge – as she left my hospital bed and ward, so did I with the real intention of COMMITTING SUICIDE!!!!
I didn’t make it out of those hospital doors because I fell and hurt my hip! I was helped back to my bed……and OH GAWD, if I thought I had doctors and specialists hovering aplenty before, now that I was on suicide watch – I was being hounded every minute but could they give me reasons for my seriously debilitating symptoms- the short answer was “NO”. They could only tell me that due to being chronically ill, I had depression but even though I was in a dark place that didn’t help me understand what was making my body behave in mysterious ways. Five days later after more and more tests, often ones that had been repeated and repeated my neurologist and her fellow walked up to my hospital bedside. They had worked out what these new symptoms were. Basically my internal software that allows communication between my brain and central nervous system had shut down……this they diagnosed as ‘functional neurological disorder’. I immediately had a million and one questions, almost all that they could not answer. With that diagnosis,  I was allowed home…..discharged with a lot of referrals and a website to help me understand what this thing called FND was all about……

Awaiting my referrals being picked up, I spoke to my local GP, he was almost as much in the dark about what this neurological illness was as I was…..so we went on a journey of awakening together.  What we deciphered was that FND is an umbrella term for a variety of neurological symptoms which current medical diagnosis models struggle to explain psychologically or organically. Patient presentation can be so very similar to a whole range of other neurological conditions. The symptoms of FND can be as debilitating as MS and Parkinson’s disease as there are many similar symptoms. It left me wondering if I was ever going to get the help I needed…..but at least there was hope coming through my doors again.

Soon, enough referrals came flooding in. Home care and the most important NeuroPhysio and OT. These referrals were music to my ears as I was learning almost everyday that due to FND being very new to the medical research fields there were not many effective treatment plans in existence. I began initially home based physio, in which I was given a walker. When NeuroPhysio began, I was very lucky to get a physiotherapist that had knowledge of FND and she quickly created a plan filled with physical therapies that would be most effective in bringing forward goals for reintroducing proper functional movement and motor control helping to retrain my brains pathways. She was able to work closely with my OT to help me dramatically improve functions that I thought were lost forever.

I have improved in many ways very quickly, HOWEVER I do still have a long way to go in the big scheme of life. I am continuing all the physical treatments as well as speaking regularly with psychologists and counsellors that are helping me to release so much allowing profound healing to begin. But it’s hard work, and it is the lack of understanding of FND and other invisible conditions that negatively influences treatments and care. Researchers, money, and volunteers are greatly needed to help illnesses like these that have greatly impacted and impaired my life and many others. This is why I now walk and talk openly,  sharing my story and experiences in hope that I may shine a light for others to begin sharing their stories and experiences and together we can light a flame where that most needed research, information and funding will be found…..and most of all stigma can be silenced.

I hope that by telling my nightmare of falling through a dark hole of invisible hell, I may have helped you. This is one part of the hell that brought me to my message and mission of teaching and preaching to the world about learning more about invisible illness. I will not stop and I would love you all to help me. One way is to like and share this post, but you can also join me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/TheBarefootGoddessAU

http://www.twitter.com/just_1_goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

where we can all join as one by #lightingtheflame for invisible and mental illness.

Much love 

TBG 💋

Suicide – Let’s Talk About It….(please)

Who the fuck am I? DO YOU EVER ASK YOURSELF THAT or am I just the crazy bitch that the doubters, naysayers and haters say I am!!!

Am I the goddess of truth, light & healing or am I the goddess of dark, illness & death……

I truly am wondering this at the moment. 
You see, I have a FUCKING big message to bring to the attention of the world and that seems to be the problem! 
My message is “SUICIDE” but as soon as even the word is mentioned, people turn on me and then they immediately switch off! It is still the one huge subject within the mental illness bubble of life. Suicide numbers are rising, globally. 
We have to talk about suicide, because to talk about it is about living and that to me, is what life is about! 

“SUICIDE IS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM”
So to you that are still reading, suicide was brought into focus for me whilst I was living in Geelong. We were involved in two seperate sports clubs, cricket & football. We got really involved socially with all the fantastic people and within both instances hearing the news that 2 young men still with so much to live for , had taken their own lives was horrible to understand in every degree. The shock was devastating for their many friends, so to even understand what the families were going through- well you couldn’t. The only thought was that if only we knew the battle they were fighting. In the months afterwards I think there were many of us that knew these young men, going through a whole range of emotions, trying to make sense of the super situations;

  • Guilt was definitely one – could I have changed the outcome had I been around?
  • Anger- that they had selfishly taken the easy way out but, mostly, just an indelible sadness that we could never talk to them again.

But life goes on, however something is altered forever. I remember our family dealt with it particularly with regard to one of the boys because we were so close to him and like I’m sure many do, we didn’t talk about it properly and it was most definitely the elephant in the room.
SOME PEOPLE THINK SUICIDE IS SELFISH-THIS IS FAR FROM THE CASE!
In the years that followed my own health deteriorated and one after another, I was diagnosed with a multiple number of chronic illnesses. You, can never understand what the journey looks like, initially because you are so ill but the doctors can’t find what’s wrong with you- then they do and it’s a relief but then the journey keeps continuing to bring more pain. That physical pain really seriously puts pressure on your ability to cope and then suddenly without even knowing you are battling physical and mental health conditions. Throughout my own wandering with chronic health I’ve tried to stay strong by finding other mindfulness, treatments, people – anything that would allow me to keep the breath of life alive. In 2015 after a period of really good health, my health deteriorated seriously quickly. From about April of that year to September I was struggling to build the growing wellness centre that was my life force. My business ended and so did the energy to live, I was googling suicide and ways to die but I never did! 2016, arrived and a number of family circumstances caused me to spiral out of control, ended in hospital with pneumonia in March and then not long after I was back into hospital with chronic pain and illness. It was that admission and after a visit from one of my specialists that I knew I couldn’t keep going. I had to escape, I ventured out of the ward to take myself to the road so that I could kill myself. Obviously- I didn’t get their, but with the help of a most wonderful doctor I realised that my physical health complexities had caused my mental health to be critical and it was not normal to have suicidal thoughts. I spent three weeks in hospital organising medications and therapies to help my physical and mental health conditions. 
Suicide can be difficult to understand for anyone who hasn’t been suicidal. I thought about my mindset at the time of the young men of Geelong and their suicide, and I probably did consider it a selfish act. That is far from the case now. Some people also think suicide is a choice, again this is wrong. I actually think suicide is often due what people perceive as a lack of choice. I now know that the person who takes their own life OR EVEN TRIES IT, believes it is the only way to stop the pain.
I’ve promised myself, if I ever get to that place again, I will open up AND I guess it’s why I WANT THE DISCUSSION TO OPEN UP within the world more every day.
I want to try and explain what takes a person to the point where they cannot conceive of living any more. Despite having seen at first hand the devastation that suicide of a loved one, brings I was at the point where I genuinely believed that everyone who knew me would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore. When you are in such a dark place, all insight and rational thoughts are lost. It’s not necessarily that you want to die, you just don’t want to carry on living. There is just an never ending darkness in your mind, which you think will never end. You become very good at hiding it, putting on a mask.
Do what happens when you start to get treatment and clarity begins to return. Well seriously talking about my experience, I couldn’t quite believe I nearly came so close to putting my most loved ones through such a horrendous ordeal. Hopefully I won’t in the future. 
I’m in the best place I can be at the moment, even though I do stop at times like these moments because of my chronic physical illnesses. I am busy equipping myself with the tools to keep on top of my mental health, so that the physical health doesn’t tip me over. But I also know that if I ever do get to that place again, I need to open up to those around me before it’s too late and another reason why it’s my mission and message to get my loved ones and the wider community and world learning to talk about the subject.

There should be NO STIGMA in talking about SUICIDE.
I know that people are afraid of suicide because they don’t understand it, which is why it’s my role to help the world demystify it, and make it so that people are not uncomfortable expressing suicidal thoughts. 
SUICIDAL thoughts doesn’t make you selfish or weak, it’s just a symptom of an illness, and like other symptoms of other illnesses there should be no stigma or shame in talking about it, indeed, it should be encouraged.

My name is Lisa-Raie, I am the barefoot goddess of light and dark who wants to talk suicide with you. 

If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal please find some phone numbers available for you within Australia, USA and the U.K;

Australia 

BeyondBlue

 Ph. 1300 22 4636

Lifeline 

Ph. 13 11 14

USA

1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

or

1-800-273-TALK

(1-800-273-8255)

UK

Calm: 0800 585858, 

HopeLine UK – 0800 068 4141 
I want this message, my message spoken about and I would be so grateful if you, yes you would be kind enough to share it with your community. By sharing we begin to talk about it and that’s what is so important.

Please connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess


“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

From Thoughts Of Suicide To Manifesting Changes In Health & Life For ME and YOU ❤️❤️❤️

So, I begin by apologising for going MIA but WOW, it’s been the best MIA that I’ve had in a long while…..but as you will see that my vision for life is grand and through my eyes, life is beautiful when you breathe even the smallest breaths.

As, I return to my writing space, today I’ve found the energy has been as epic as FUCK and I apologise for the language, BUT seriously there is no other way of explaining the growth in me as a little woman stepping her path through the world of chronic illness.

You see, there has been years of pain, years of suffering… I’ve moved forward so many times I’ve lost count…only, yes you guessed it…BOOM back flat on my face – SICK, oh so sick again!!!


As 2015 ended their was change in the waters AND not as you or I would expect! However, change caused myself to spew all kinds of dreadful lava – it was a FUCKING concoction filled with all kinds of mental, physical and emotional toxins! My goddess vibe was lost, I was choking for air, for life…I FELL from grace! I had failed, my affirmations, my mindfulness in all its glory and I was an ash filled pit …internally I was shouting “STOP WORLD, I CANNOT DO THIS – I WANT OUT!!!!

YES, that’s right… I’ve caught your attention! SUICIDE, no one had seen me looking, researching ways or means BUT in that one split second after an altercation about my pain with doctors that can’t even understand my symptoms, let alone chronic conditions I was out of my ward towards the hospitals main doors! I could escape, I could run in front of a truck, better still a tram AND I WOULD BE IN PEACE

No, nothing goes to plan when you walk with chronic and destructive illnesses and that is something I am so BLOODY glad of! I am ever so GRATEFUL for a body that fell on the floor and couldn’t get up- I couldn’t take my life!!!! Because in that next split second, I had nurses around me, my doctors, mental health specialists of every kind! They finally were seeing the internal struggles foaming like lava. 

 

That eruption of mental emotion, gave me the key that I had been long searching for. I reached out my hand and there were many hands outstretched alongside mine. They had always been there but being consumed by the mass array of crap stuck in both mind and body I couldn’t see good from bad. Anyway, I and the supporting hands joined as ONE- we reached and we grabbed that key and opened up the door.

From, that very moment the key had opened up tomorrow…there has been such a aura of light! One only if you have felt this that you can imagine. But, with the light, my dreams for my health, my message and mission in life and business was awakened…I was awakened!


SO, I BRING YOU BACK TO TODAY & WHAT HAS BEEN TRANSFORMING internally and externally. It is eternally and gob-smackering real, raw, vulnerable and so freakishly uplifting in every sense of my being!

I am NOT, the FUCKING hooded villain that lives and breathes pain and so much suffering, I am a goddess born to feel these hurts, so that I can awaken and light up the world with a most mastered and personal message and mission!

What I have learnt across this journey, wandered is that I love myself and  I believe in myself AND do you know my journey filtering right back to day dot…I had never loved or believed in myself…so this journey is one that I’ve had to step.


I am healing, it’s been small steps, BUT it’s these steps that allow me to truly step out into the world as the barefoot goddess “naked & free”! 

What I mean by “naked & free” is by the way my beautiful bodies soul can now speak with such fluent truth through vulnerability and with such light through torturous healing. So, I now walk to take on the haters, the nay-sayers, the many medico’s that walked away ignorant of what was so wrong with my health. Yes… I am naked and free literally and metaphorically for my journey and yours.

My steps, are far encompassing my little house in Melbourne, Australia. You see, people from as far abroad as London to San Francisco and India to Japan are looking, listening and hearing my words for wandering towards healing and wellness. I walk and I wander and I talk outwardly importantly for me, but also for YOU. 


I walk with you, lighting the way, finding solutions not excuses – BECAUSE, THIS WAY WE WILL MAKE CHANGES TO THE WAY OUR WORLD BREATHES.

I walk every step using small barefooted steps and blissful breaths because we see how beautiful life is according to every one of our dreams. We must not give up, we must come together so that most important key to finding health and ourselves within the dark mess that is chronically invisible illness. 


I want my journey to inspire my tribe, which then shows the greater world just what can be achieved when we walk as one with a much more individually aligned and unconsciously conscious health plan and support team are in place. 

STEPPING FURTHER FORWARD- I want you, yes YOU, the one that is ready to give up, the one that is sick of being sick. I want you, the one that everyone tells you that your NOT really sick!!!

YOU ARE PART OF MY TRIBE!


By joining my tribe and no matter how different our individual chronically ill paths are, we walk for presence in the present today and tomorrow. The further we walk, the closer we become one united team building the health and life that we love. 

The Tribal Path let’s us;

  • Find calmness in our healing
  • Gain newly embraced mindset and belief systems 
  • Appreciate our struggles & celebrations
  • Find mindfulness to remove the chronic clutter from mind & body

By walking together we also bring new members in that once were ignorant of our paths BUT now walk with us sharing stories of hope and raising so much wanted awareness. As, we build this beautiful connection of togetherness we are impacting the world with massive amounts of kindness, compassion and action using my original message and mission statement of;


SO, I ASK YOU – “ARE YOU READY TO JOIN MY TRIBE?”

  • You will find a path to managing and controlling your chronic health conditions letting you concentrate on living the life that you dream of.
  • You will be connected to like minded souls, also making massive healing health and life changes.
  • Instead of negative excuses, your mindset will be filled with positive affirmation and intention.

If this is YOU, email me now at theblessedgoddessproject@gmail.com

Life is beautiful and we must not ever be consumed with the pain of debilitating and destructive illnesses, guilt and self hate, that we give up on our dreams. Let’s walk together, let’s wander towards healing and wellness globally for our health and the millions of future generations that maybe struck down by chronic pain and illness.

SO, I ASK YOU ONCE MORE – “ARE YOU READY TO JOIN MY TRIBE?”

It is FREE and we WANT you.

Email me at theblessedgoddessproject@gmail.com and let the tribal dance of life as your truest and best self begin.

Gratitude and love to you all and after reading this blog, if this resonates in any way please connect and join the tribe. If you know someone that you think may find my tribe helpful, please share with them. This is not a short journey- this is a long walk to finding health, raising awareness and sharing other goddesses stories . The world needs me and it needs you too.

Till next time,

Lisa-Raie 💋

**Sidenote – I could send gratitude to many and I have many times and I will continue to, but these blessings go out to the beautiful woman in Erin & Ann, (NeuroPhysio & OT) that assist me with gaining my physical strength back. You knew me, better than I knew myself when we first connected. To Dr Lauren Sanders, neurologist who steps outside the normal healing box and brings alternative treatments that work. Dr Mark Pace for never stopping, when other medicos did. My psychologist Peter who has allowed me to unleash a whole lot of cluttered crap that I really didnt want unleashed but now understand what part it played in all of my health complexities. Finally their is first, my husband Paul, who has been there with me through every good,bad and indifferent moment. You are my best friend, my lover and truly I kept going because of you. Secondly and specially mentioned is my youngest son, Joey. He is one of the bravest, smartest, kindest and compassionate kids going around. He has Aspergers (ASD) & a number of genetic and behavioral disorders so life has not been a smooth trek for him either, but he walks everyday with love brimming out of him for me and his father. That’s the love that comes from above and I think filters through him from my late mum who rests above.**

Please connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess 
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Living On The Edge With Chronic Illness – A Step Into The Darkness Means Asking For Help…….

So today, my thoughts are going back to when everything was oh so dark and in despair and I felt like I could not keep going.  WHY – Because I want you reading this to know that you are not alone in your journey with chronic pain and debilitating invisible illnesses.

​​
You see, when you are chronically ill, apart from the everyday pain and illness you most probably will suffer from forms of depression, loss, loneliness and perhaps even  thoughts of suicide,  but you will rarely discuss these because you think you will be judged as weak. I want to speak to you, openly about the fact that these topics are ones that you don’t want to dismiss or ignore and I am speaking from personal experience. 
By speaking of my own journey, honestly and vulnerably , I hope that I may help you feel more comfortable about talking about your struggles with living with chronic illness everyday. I want to show you that by choosing to ignore these dark moments, only can make the problems that you are dealing with even bigger, scarier AND lonelier. Being honest opens up doors to your inner most private struggles and lets other people in to help.  

So let me explain a little bit of my experience. Obviously my physical health was caused by multiple chronic illnesses of autoimmune & neurological breakdowns but I also started to notice a  mental deterioration clearly by middle of 2015. I put it down to extra tiredness due to opening up my own business as a life coach and yoga teacher with my own studio. I know that my chronic illnesses are part of me and this business was my way of opening the journey up to the greater world. I wanted this so much, so I just told myself to keep pushing through the daily processes of life. 

Let me stop right here, now and explain that my living in silence with my pain and illness is an oh so clear example of how this modern world makes surviving chronic illness and is without a doubt, one of the hardest hurdles to overcome. 

Going back to the beginning……my health began to decline and initially , I approached it as though I had a bad flu. But that flu, never went away so off to the doctors, I wen to find the problem, so again I could be well. Right – oh no, not so! As months went on and one year turned into multiple years my pain and suffering weren’t getting better , in fact, they were worsening. I tried all the mainstream medical philosophies, I stepped into alternative therapies , which may I say allowed me to find a path through for a while but as life was seemingly moving, my thought process began to divert from those who surrounded me. I kept going to the doctor, many doctors actually and many times, over and over but that is where my original plan failed. The pain was from nerve damage, but that was where the understanding of my situation stopped. My body kept adding more and more  symptoms and the doctors seemed to have less understanding and compassion of my daily life . Particular autoimmune illnesses were diagnosed but confusion regarding what was impacting my health increased as did my pain and with each failed attempt at managing the pain or finding a diagnosis, my life  was falling through and into deeper levels of darkness .

I can tell you that as this journey of mine wandered further, I felt a thick disconnect from everything. Everyday became a blur and what was once important no longer seemed real.  I knew I was a part of the living world and I knew I had this passion and purpose but  from 2015 it felt more like I was watching it from a million years away than from reality. This life – my life it seemed so, so far away. I began to wonder if I would ever live that life that was so vividly clear in my visions and dreams. I had once planned to make world wide impact but my days consisted of lying in bed using  my electric blanket and medication or anything and everything I could think of to lessen the pain.  There would be days where I would sit up but I would still be taking high doses of pain medication and my trusty heated throw rug or sitting outside in 40 degree days just to feel well. That is NOT life. The thoughts of being well and free of these debilitating chronic illnesses were not even near being real and in that state, I just wanted  to decrease my breath into a life of living – YES, I wanted to die! I wanted relief, I wanted wellness , even just a minute. That obviously wasn’t to be, so thoughts of dying came more readily like we breathe our most magical visions and dreams had for so long. The only thing was  I thought was to go to sleep permanently- you see being in chronic pain and illness makes you so tired , so you sleep but then you wake up.  Even the short bursts of  sleep I was getting, only gave me short term relief, but my body’s pain  and suffering continued. So fast track to late 2015, early 2016 and I was done with this pain and these illnesses- some known about , others even doctors were left flabbergasted! SUICIDE was going to be my release from this world that became all too hard. I was angry, I was hurting and no one could help me.  I was in a very dark place that I could not get out of ! So I entered hospital early 2016 with pneumonia, which I believe spiralled me further into despair. I soon was discharged, with the doctors giving me the same scripted announcement- “you will need to rest , so that you can best recover because of all your other health complexities”. I was stuck in self destruct mode with such thoughts as “they’ll be sorry,” or “I’ll show them.” My pain and illness were my permanent and realistic nightmare everyday.  My  physical and mental health could not survive another spectrum of life with this level of suffering, death would be a relief, it would be an end to this awful pain and it would take me as the burden away from those closest to me. The only problem was my loved ones, as much as I wanted to leave the reality of death I didn’t want to leave them. I tried  making my husband and children realise that by killing myself it would be kindness .  I so much wanted them to understand this agony, that I was living, so that I could find relief. At this point, I was  only alive because of the people I loved, but then they left me the internal distress was at breaking point.

Come to March 2016, I was taking massive amounts of strong pain medication but just couldn’t get relief, so I went back to  hospital.  I was in a bad state, confused , in pain, in anguish , constantly falling over and even, hospital where I thought that these people would understand me  and help me were not!  I resented myself, everybody and everything – Noone really had any clue how much pain I was suffering . In that instance , I did something – I tried to kill myself. I tried to escape the hospital ward and take myself to the busy road outside and be hit by a truck. Obviously, it failed – I fell outside of the lift – but it brought me to the NOW to finding help that was there, being open to accept it. 

Being alive and living are two different things which I had forgotten after falling victim to my own health complexities, I got lost in the mist of extreme darkness and depression because, I was afraid to accept help. I thought if I accepted help, that I would be showing an even greater sign of weakness. How incorrect the thoughts (my thoughts) are when mental health disintegrates. Accepting help and building a team of health and personal support is the biggest mental and physical gain that I have given to myself. I now, know that all life needs when in these most anxious moments of life, is honest conversations regarding an understanding and  compassion. I am grateful, for my new doctor whilst in hospital as it was, he who made me realise that coming to hospital and accepting admission was the best and only option for me. It was probably my most loneliest hospital stay but also the most important 3 weeks of my life. It gave me new set of medications, treatments and a resilience to get me through the days living with chronic illness because we walk inseparable through life.

To conclude my experience, I have learnt that at this time in the modern day world, depression and suicide are as much a part of chronic illness as all the other invisible symptoms. The problem is that this world, ignores or perhaps more correctly chooses to avoid the subject. This then leaves the chronically ill like myselff, alone to cope with  the demons and darkness that nobody should have too live with. I believe if, i  had of found that new doctor months and possibly years earlier, who sat with me  and had the full non judgemental conversation,  my journey may not have  been so heavy and dark leaving me to progress like I am now. 

As I am writing this , this conversation still terrifies me but I also know talking about it helps ideas and perspectives make more space within the brain for new opportunities that life may not yet have offered. Always  remember to show kindness, compassion and understanding;to yourself  because our inner most  thoughts aren’t because of us, it’s because of the external journeys that we are living. I am now reteaching myself using mindfulness, journaling and talking about how to no longer hold on to my fear, my pain or my illnesses. For the remainder of my journey of life with chronic illness or not I want to feel alive . So by me being able to write and talk my experiences, I hope that this may help some of you and together we can begin to walk together and tear down the stigma of being vulnerable and out of reach of a life to be wandered towards wellness and wonderful experiences.

​​

Lisa-Raie

(AKA – The Barefoot Goddess) 💋

If this resonates anyway please let me know either here or on my other social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDaware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Snapchat 👻- simply_lisaraie