Tired, Weary, Broken & Fucked Up……..

So what happens when we fall……and we all do!

You know, those moments when we are tired, weary, broken & fucked up!!!!


These thoughts, feelings and actions occur when we live with invisible illness. These are the moments that make us need to keep fighting the pain of being chronically and invisibly ill. Illnesses such as anxiety, depression, autoimmune and neurological disorders fill us with scars that embed deeply into our mental, emotional and physical being. 

Beginning the process of healing and recovery from these debilitating illnesses takes work BUT throughout the process and progress, low energy succumbs and we fall……! We tire and perhaps stumble from all the work that it takes to recover AND it affects us…..and if this happens, we fall and we break!!!! 

When this happens, we feel that we have fucked everything up……all that progress-RUINED!

But these emotions that come and go when wandering a journey with invisible illness are real and we should not be ashamed of letting the world see them! We haven’t fucked up….it’s a stumble and yeah, if we fall, it’s just that a fall…..stand back up – be present and be YOU! Remember even mentally and physically strong people fall! This conversation that I am having tonight is such a strong anti-suicide message, for why fighting is so important to remember when we are overwhelmed with the chronic pain and suffering of these illnesses.

You are saying. . . but at these moments I’m too tired to keep fighting……Yeah, I get it, I’ve felt really tired too and YES I still tire after all my 15 years fighting……but I won’t give up, I don’t give up!

Invisible illnesses are diseases that can take a life time to recover from. They grind away at our inner most core, sucking the life out of us, just as we are rebuilding ourselves up from the ground. The fight becomes a moment to moment battle everyday and as we go, we have to listen to the self whispering, but more than that we have to stand up to our voices and the external voices who don’t recognise our illnesses as illnesses……it’s exhausting, and it’s why we get tired, weary and feel broken and fucked up!

These illnesses, these invisible fucking illnesses never take holidays so every day and every night you have to fight, fight and fight again. You might be finding the biggest reasons in the world to give up, but those reasons don’t need to be your reality. In fighting these illnesses, no one can see or know how hard you’re working to keep going every day. The fight is hard and in the walk to recovery you will feel broken.

BUT, WE NEED TO FIGHT……I know, you are saying, you don’t want too,  sometimes I have said that too, but you don’t get to stop. I’m sorry, but the statistics say life is better than death and I insist you go on living……I am and I do!

But the good news is that when you choose to fight, you choose to take your next breath. Our invisible illnesses want to steal us of everything that we want to and need to experience today, tomorrow and the days after that. But we are  not going to let these illnesses win. We are going to breathe in and out, one breath at a time, each and everyday knowing that this is our best fight and it’s enough, it will always be enough, because I am enough and you are enough!

Being tired is OK. Being weary is OK, feeling broken and yelling that we have fucked up is OK. But by taking the next breath…..after the yelling session, is all we need to do…..because that’s the process of the healing fight.
If you are resonating with my thoughts, feelings and conversations tonight please let me know, by liking and sharing this blog.

 I write about my experiences with wandering a journey with all the invisible illnesses that are part of me because when we share our stories we connect and help each other.

I am a advocate and speaker who has made it my mission to change the way healing and recovery is seen for all that live with invisible illness.

If you would like to connect further, please do so on my social media platforms;

http://www.facebook.com/TheBarefootGoddessAU

http://www.twitter.com/Just_1_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

If you are struggling……that’s ok but remember to find the breath…..breathe in and breathe out so the fight continues.

Much love 
TBG 💋

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As the rambles continue…..

You know those days & even when you live a clean and free life , you will have them……don’t squash them in – let them out…… rant them, cry them, scream them……

Shadows that scream when I’m alone EVEN when I’m not alone….ahhhh yes it’s just that I’ve got a migraine! It’s the internal war that rages behind my face and above my throat!My pain will be up, down, and sideways!

BUT let it be said what the headache represents is me defending in suspense!

It’s me suspended in a defenseless test!

Being tested by a ruthless universe examiner !

One moment of weakness , doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated- it’s you stopping to rest, stopping to restore! Let that headache, that migraine heal and tomorrow you will be strong again! You will stand and you will conquer!

#iamthebarefootgoddess , if you resonate please like and share my blogs as by sharing our stories we raise awareness and inspire each other . Also remember to join me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

#migraines #ajourneyintime #testingme #teachingme #breatheingoddess #kundalinirising #kundalinihealing #iwalkandiwander #Findingpeace #findingme #beingme #joinmeonthisjourney
“Wandering Towards Wellness,Globally”

Happy New Year – Welcome To Life, Awakened & Aligned….🙏🏻

Today, 1,1,2017 begins a whole new step into my truest and highest selves life path!2016, was turbulent, but through the bumps and bruises, it brought openings in myself that I had attempting for years! But the door opened and I stepped in, taking WHAT was mine. Through doing so, I’ve been able to release , off load and let go of stuff that had been stuffed and packed into the deepest most insular cells within me. But they are gone and I am now free, in pure nakedness to express myself as I need to. Another reason for my name change, I’m not the little girl “Lisa-Raie” that was born to this world and forced into being what I am NOT! I am the bliss through the storms , I am a creative because of the energy sent from Mother Earth’s universal platform. 

By awakening and aligning fully, I have gained the true shakti energy that my yoga and meditation training had taught me back in days gone by! 

When you receive the shakti energy , you come alive, you are luminous and you are desirable!

Having the shakti within allows the essence of vibrant health, feeling good in your own skin and feeling that your life has meaning and value. This is why, I know from today I have the ability to transform the understanding of what invisible health complexities are and I can set real change to making better and more improved treatments available for all that require them. When you have the energy of shakti you have the energy to engage with life in more meaningful ways. The shakti energy empowers you to seek growth and change and to find purpose and fulfilment in everyday life. Shakti is the foundation for a conscious life. When Shakti is directed inwards it empowers you to raise your consciousness, to experience yourself as part of something greater. Ultimately, Shakti is the fuel that powers your spiritual growth and the awakening of consciousness not just in me but in others too.

Since awakening and aligning to my highest self I know what it is like to feel alive and well within my body, mind and spirit and it is why I know my true healing has  begun.

I am the barefoot goddess – Harmoni Shakti 💋

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally “

That’s The Thing About Pain….It Demands To Be Felt 🙏🏻


People who suffer from severe, chronic pain and illness know how it can change life. It is so very cruel making it hard to enjoy even the most simple daily tasks. Chronic pain as illness is still not that well understood. The medical industry used to believe that pain was a underlying injury or disease. With these thought patterns doctors focused on treating the underlying cause of the pain, with the belief that once the injury or disease was cured the chronic pain or illness would also disappear. If doctors found no underlying cause  for the illness or pain, then the patient was told that very few treatments would be available, or worse, “the pain must be in your head.” It’s sad to say, but some doctors still practice these thoughts , having no appreciation for the unique problem of newer theories about chronic pain and illness.

Luckily there is a new community starting to understand that if pain or illness is no longer a function of a healthy nervous system then the chronic illness/pain itself becomes the problem and needs to be treated as the primary point of call.

We the chronic pain and illness patients need to stand as one, to raise awareness so that more conversations are started and more research for information and treatments are given.
Do you walk through life with chronic pain or illness- if so please connect with me! If we all walk together, our global governments and health care departments will need to listen and make appropriate choices and changes.

Connect with me today on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Let’s walk together for our health

Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

The Tingles In My Toes & That Burning In My Feet….

Oh wowzers- it was one of those nights! Yes the type of night, when tingles in my toes, feeling like the nerves in my feet were burning and then of course the leg twitches begin giving an extra amount of shooting pain. You see, this happens when my nervous system goes into major short circuit warfare. It’s occurance because I am one of many across the globe living with neuropathy. Neuropathy is nerve damage or some kind of internal disruption. That’s the simple definition BUT what’s not simple about neuropathy is the cure – THERE ISN’T ONE !

If you are a person who isn’t affected by this hideous condition then you will have absolutely no idea about what life is like, living an average day or night. So let me try and explain. Most people have little or any knowledge of how their nerves work and how vital they are to daily life anyway and so when the nervous system breakdowns they find it impossible to understand. I as a neuropathy sufferer have faced the difficult task of explaining my weird symptoms to doctors, friends and family for a long time. The description of my pain as spoken about at the beginning of this blog, has left me feeling frustrated and not taken seriously on many occasions. But what is happening is damage to the nerves itself and particularly the lining that protects the nerve. What is occurring to neuropathy sufferers like me, are a number of confusing, functional breakdowns which send out wrong signals, or no signals at all. It really can be compared to a short circuit in a domestic electrical system but the resulting feelings and sensations are pretty unique to the condition and every sufferer. It’s important to remember that neuropathy affects all sorts of people from all areas of society across the globe. Just as their are many people like me that suffer with neuropathy, there are also over 100 causes and over 100 types of neuropathy, so pinning down exactly how someone feels with their condition really depends on where the nerve damage is happening and what part of your body is being affected. 

So, where will neuropathy strike and how do you recognise it? That is the biggest problem for all neuropathy sufferers! Generally speaking though, it’s in the feet first. The best way to explain this to you, is as I had it explained to me. Feet are at the end of the nerve pathways and the furthest away from the central nervous system. So perhaps logical that problems happen there first. The nerves there are part of the peripheral nerve system. This is peripheral neuropathy and what my diagnosis is. The nervous system consists of the spinal cord leading to the brain which makes up the central nervous system – all the nerves radiating out from there are peripheral nerves. Back to the feet, where the signals of neuropathy usually begin! Let me tell you, that this pain is never an overnight happening,  it can take years to develop before you even notice anything which is why it is so difficult to diagnose and treat. My neuropathy has lead to my walking gait being strangely affected usually by losing my footing or miss stepping. I feel as though I am doing the right thing in order to make my feet move in the right direction but they do something completely out of order else which usually leads to falling. This collection of actions are because the wrong signals are being sent out, through a communication breakdown between my brain and my feet. Not only do the feet feel odd and painful but my legs can feel like they are becoming weaker. Climbing stairs and the simple action of walking can feel like an fitness boot camp , as I constantly now trip over or stumble when I least expect it. I now use a 4 wheeler walker as assistance with balance and security when I walk. Because of the nerve damage in my feet now when I walk , I will clench my feet in order to get a better grip on the ground beneath me. Obviously this leads to loss of relaxation and then muscular cramping of the feet occurs. So yes, balance becomes a major issue when chronically affected by neuropathy and i often feel like I’m walking around like I am drunk. Feelings and sensations like what I experience in my feet, also affects my hands and arms. When these instances occur, i can lose control of my grip usually causing me to drop things. This is where, you cannot even imagine the effect this has on me or others effected. What happens is a total loss of trust and confidence in our own actions leaving you frightened and confused as to what is happening and that isn’t taking into account neuropathy pain!


The pain neuropathy brings – OMG, where do I start! The most difficult thing for friends and family  to understand is the pain neuropathy can bring. It’s like nothing else you’ve ever experienced. My introduction was just the tip of the iceberg. It can range from mild tingling or burning, to pain that can leave you crying in agony, especially at night (the reason I was up, writing this). It can feel as though the affected areas are on fire and burning sensations are perhaps the commonest after tingling. Tingling sounds innocent enough but it can be so severe that it’s extremely painful and then you long for the numbness that I initially began with. I often feel like what feels like electric shock symptoms. It’s little wonder that opiates are my only course of action but even they have their limitations, leading to increased doses and other debilitating symptoms occurring and of course addiction to those medications. So with all of those weird feelings and sensations, I need to be especially careful with hot water as to me it can feel cold or vice versa leading to cases of burning myself. The same goes for my urinary problems and digestive malfunction. It’s very difficult to relate these to nerve damage but they are also common symptoms of neuropathy. The nerves to blood vessels, intestines and bladder are damaged by this condition and give out faulty signals leading to abnormal behaviour in functions which most take for granted. What happens is that i feel bloated after eating only very small portions or I will have difficulty emptying my full bladder yet the brain tells me that my bladder is empty. This has left me permanently disabled and now needing to self catheterise daily. This sort of thing leads to infections and instances of diarrhoea and constipation.

So do you see why trying to explain this, unless you have experienced it, is so very difficult! If you don’t live with neuropathy, you just don’t understand what it’s like. But hopefully I have given you a better insight of what it’s really like to have neuropathy in your life. It’s a horrible condition because it’s unpredictability. Some people go for years with only mild discomforts with only a little tingling here and a little numbness there – while others like myself suffer dreadfully and need to be at times on the heaviest of opiate medications to control the symptoms. All i ask is that if you know anyone that has neuropathy, PLEASE offer sympathy and understanding because their lives are difficult. Chronic pain is a feature of this condition but the chronic pain of neuropathy is possibly one of the meanest of them all and not to be underestimated.


If you have resonated with this, please let me know or perhaps connect with me on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Much love and kindness 

Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Chronic Pain & Illness Deserve Respect and Research Too…….

CHRONIC PAIN & ILLNESS DESERVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF RESPECT and RESEARCH AS CANCERS……please read & share doing so you support your friends wandering a lonely path towards finding wellness……..

I WANT THESE WORDS, SHARED ACROSS OUR GLOBE, SO THAT CONVERSATIONS CAN BE BEGUN TO HELP AND SUPPORT CHRONIC PAIN & ILLNESS PATIENTS . It starts with one and if just one other person then shares this, then another, then another-before long we will have a global conversation and greater awareness of the importance for better healthcare for chronic and invisible illness.
THIS IS MY FIRST AWARENESS CHALLENGE-PLEASE HELP ME SHARE MY MESSAGE GLOBALLY……and this is why;

More work needs to be done for chronic pain and illness. The numbers of people globally feeling that they have no way out of their chronic pain and illness is growing at scary rates. 
Our Governments need to wake up and give this the same attention it gives to cancer. One day of the year, for “RUOK” day, that spotlights mental illness and depression doesn’t cut it and the effects that these invisible illnesses have on the individuals, families and friends is devastating.

I can say this, because I breathe, walk and talk the journey everyday. It’s my mission to open up more discussion and conversation for myself and many others. WHY, because we all deserve a life that we love. 

I WANT THESE WORDS, SHARED ACROSS OUR GLOBE, SO THAT CONVERSATIONS CAN BE BEGUN TO HELP AND SUPPORT CHRONIC PAIN & ILLNESS PATIENTS .
Let’s send this viral and start walking, talking and wandering towards a life of wellness.

Living With Chronic Illness – Part 1 – Functional Neurological Disorder.

Living with debilitating chronic and invisible illnesses are so very hard. This is why I share my story, so that greater awareness can be brought to the world. Today I share what will be a series of blogs about the different illnesses that I live with. 

The  illness I am beginning with is (FND) Functional Neurological Disorder and below is what it involves and the many symptoms that I suffer with – at times all at the same time, and other times seperately. (FND) or Functional Neurological Disorder occurs as a result of a problem with my central nervous system and my brain failing to send or receive messages correctly. 

The list of symptoms is very long and many of them can be very disabling. Living with FND, sees me experience a number of symptoms at the same time or  perhaps just living with one or two symptoms at a time as I spoke about earlier. Just as with my other chronic illness and autoimmunity, I can find frequency and severity in my symptoms. Also a lot of these symptoms are also found in the diagnosis of MS & Parkinson’s Disease making it high level debilitating, life changing and hard to diagnose.

Below I list the particular groups of symptoms that are commonly found in FND and to which I live with;

Motor & Movement Symptoms;

  • Shaking, mostly found in my arms or legs 
  • Uncontrollable and perhaps painful muscle spasms usually in my hands or feet. 
  • Uncontrollable movements such as jerks and twitches.
  • Problems with walking such as dragging my leg and uneven steps causing many falls.
  •  Limb weakness within my arms or legs where it doesn’t feel normal or I can’t hold any weight through them.
  • Paralysis with an inability to move any part of the body, usually on one side only but not always, which lasts a period of hours, days or longer. At present I have paralysis in the right side of my body which has been with me for many months.
  • Swallowing difficulties where I  can lose the ability to swallow or a it may feel like i have a lump in my throat.
  • Difficulties with my speech when my words may become slurred, stuttered or even maybe lost temporarily altogether.
  • Bladder and bowel problems which may include loss of sensation leading to incontinence and some kind of catheterisation.

Sensory symptoms;

  • Dizziness is the feeling of being lightheaded and not in balance and sometimes feels like my surroundings are spinning.
  • Being sensitive to light, sound, smell, touch or taste is a ongoing familiar symptom.
  • Nerve pain often feels like my skin is crawling with bugs and sometimes gives me electric shock sensations.

Brain Symptoms;

  • Memory difficulties and/or loss.
  • Poor concentration.
  • Word finding difficulty.

Other areas that can be associated with FND can be;

  • Chronicpain
  • Migraine
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Seizures

This is life as I know it and at present there is little known about FND, so my medications and treatment plans are very much being trialled. It is very much invidualised to my particular journey. It is my mission to raise awareness and funds so that more research can be done to help myself and so many others find a way to live free of functional neurological disorder.

I would love to connect with you, if you or someone you know, also lives with FND. Please connect with me here or perhaps on one of my social media accounts.

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Much love

LR The barefoot goddess

💋