Our lives are perfect, just the way they are….📸🎞📸

So over this last week, I have had to stop. I’ve had to stop because the dreaded winter cold and flu caught and tagged me. With this downtime I started to think about how many of us are addicted with the best and beautiful people in social media……you know the one’s, fit tanned bodies, beautiful children, perfectly clean and styled homes. 
WHY………

Well in my opinion when we scroll, we compare ourselves to the beautiful and seemingly perfect social media photos and posts…..you know, all the tanned fit bodies, perfect children, perfectly cleaned and styled homes. Nothing is amiss…….as we scroll we hate them a little, but we also love to stalk on their perfect lives……wishing and dreaming that our lives were also that perfect, so we could be that happy too! 
BUT DID YOU KNOW, THAT YOU’RE WRONG……about your life! 
Our lives are already perfect……
Everything that we have right now has been created by US and WE have the power to love what we have OR to make the changes to get what we want.

What we see on social media, is that “grass is greener, on the other side” ideology. That perfect social media life that we think is out there is not going to make us happy. Because that life is someone else’s life. Yes, sure let’s follow, like and be inspired by what we see….but how about we stop wasting time wishing we had what these other people have  and really, truly create our own amazing journey of life…..because that’s exactly what we all have.

If you follow me on social media…..you will find raw, real and authentic me. I want to show the world what it’s really like…..no glitz…..no glammer but yet how I can live a damn amazing life.

Can’t see through the maze of what’s on social media and reality……let me help you break down some of the walls so you too can see that your life can be just as amazing, or perhaps better than those social media faves, that you currently stalk. Email me at harmonishakti@gmail.com and “let’s make life shine with amazement”.

Let’s also connect on social media if we haven’t already here;

http://www.facebook.com/TheBarefootGoddessAU

http://www.twitter.com/just_1_goddess

Www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

Much love

Harmoni 💋

Part 2 – The Healing Journey With FND……..

Back on June 26, I told of my introduction to the invisible illness, known as ‘Functional Neurological Disorder’ with “Once Upon A Time….Living With Invisible Illness”.

Once Upon A Time…..Living With A Body Filled With Invisible Illness. – A Barefoot Goddess On A Journey
https://abarefootgoddessonajourney.wordpress.com/2017/06/26/once-upon-a-time-living-with-a-body-filled-with-invisible-illness/

They were dark times…….many days filled with limb spasms, seizures, falls, lots of falls caused by chronic balance issues. Living with symptoms such as these, left me mentally, physically and emotionally drained and it seemed like no one understood. But, it really broke me when the paralysis down my right side occurred……I had to rely totally on those closest to me. Using cutlery was out, I had forgotten how to do my shoelaces up, my walking gait was non existent if I wanted to stay upright, but what made it worst, was that I could no longer crochet. Crochet was my thing….as it was something I could do…..when I couldn’t do anything at all, so not even being able to do that was like a nuclear bomb had gone off.

How was I going to get better…..how could I heal from this, those were my thoughts, constantly.

As, I had mentioned in my previous blog…..I was discharged from hospital with numerous referrals. A couple of weeks went on, when finally I began to receive home based NeuroPhysio to begin the process of helping me learn the art of ‘functional movement’. My home based physio, was wonderful. She pushed me but only as much as I needed. Over what would be four weeks, she enabled me to be able to sit and stand from my sofa, there was still wobbles and shakes but my brain was picking up signals from the body and I was making positive progress. Walking was very difficult and prior to therapy I only had been given a walking stick, which was pretty much useless. My home based physio was able to help me get a walker. Initially I wasn’t completely in agreeable to this mobility aid….but I soon found that it was a godsend. I could use it to help me progress my sit to stand. Using it to help teach me to formulate a walking gait was brilliant. Over, I think it was six weeks, she had really assisted my confidence towards mobility. Home based was then changed to centre based NeuroPhysio. I was lucky to be able to given another therapist that knew what FND was. From day one, we formed a bond. At the Williamstown Hospital where I was having physical therapy, I also began OT (occupational therapy) and thanks to my physio, I had an excellent OT plan created, allowing me to slowly build strength in my paralysed right hand. It was slow going. Some sessions, would see me move my hand, perhaps 5 cm along the table. But that activity caused such fatigue that I would sleep for a day and a half. NeuroPhysio was able to help me again help reconnect my internal software into knowing that to step I had to lift the leg up and down……up and down, again these sessions were also slow. It’s all progress, though and I learnt that even a little is the beginning of reconnecting my brains wiring to my body’s wiring.

In addition to the physical therapy, I began seeing a neuropsychologist. Again, I was sceptical how this could assist but as time went on, I began to learn that it was a spiralling of many things across my entire life that had caused my software malfunction. I had to work through the abuse that I had endured as a child and teenager as well as the many years living with the chronic combination of illnesses. I began to find that as my mind was being able to be cleansed of all the dark clutter that I had chosen to lock inside me, my body also was able to be cleansed. This psych work was working alongside the physical therapy.

I continue to use the physical therapies with the therapy to help the mental trauma, so that I can perhaps live the life that I most love. You see due to extreme fatigue and still requiring the walking frame for mobility when out n about I can’t work a ‘normal’ 40 hour job. I spend everyday working on healing, with the therapies that I’ve spoken about as well as using an adaptive yoga and meditation. I am also a vegan and I truly believe all my healing modalities are helping me to progress to those dreams and goals of living the life that I love. 

Although I cannot work a normal job, I now act as a advocate and speaker for invisible illnesses. Each day, I get stronger I seek to add more objectives and goals for raising awareness, support and research for illnesses, such as FND. If you’ve been following me, you would have noticed that I am creating a ongoing campaign known as #lightingtheflame for #invisibleillness that works on shining a light on all unseen health conditions. My other campaign is #standingup4FND and that is fully focused on functional neurological disorder and will be linked to my future documentary and book.

Functional Neurological Disorder is an ongoing battle to overcome, as the symptoms flow in and out without any notice. Some symptoms can be lived with, others leave me severely impaired. This disorder, is a illness that very few know about and that includes the specialist medical fraternity. For I and many others across my country of Australia and many other countries worldwide to progress with our healing we need much needed awareness, support and so much more research.

If my story has helped you to understand the FND, please like and share this blog, or alternatively connect with me on social media at;

http://www.facebook.com/TheBarefootGoddessAU

http://www.twitter.com/just_1_goddess

http://www.instagram.com/the__barefoot__goddess

I want us all to be able to walk together, so let’s bring a wave of kindness to stamp out the stigma that exists currently with regard to all invisible illness.
Much love 
TBG 💋

It’s Christmas Day again, so here is my Merry Christmas 2016 wish for all of you, filled with sparkling kisses and times of good health. If you can, spend some time with your near and dear ones and let them know you care. 

When we share our little Merry Christmas greetings, we help others find that magical cheer too, so I hope you are receiving my cheer today! 

Now, let’s get ready for a wonderful feast for Christmas 2016. 
Much love
Lisa-Raie 💋
http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
“Wandering Towards Wellness”

Christmas Brings Out My Mother’s Love & I Know I Am OK. I will always be ok.

It’s almost christmas, and there is lots of excitement around but as I sit here watching my christmas tree lights flickering,I find myself thinking of my mother who has now passed.

I am wondering how she would look,if she was alive now. I am thinking about how she held it together the way she did, way back when. It seemed no matter how life got out of control, she always puts it back the way it should be for me as a child. It’s always been a mystery, how she was so strong in a life of so much mess but I guess that was her and I guess in a way I have some of that strength….well I held a lot of shit deep down in my guts for so long and it’s just now as I am releasing and purging as I am recovering from multiple chronic illnesses and what has always held me back that, that’s probably what my mother was doing long, long ago. Yes, she stumbled and fell but seriously there is nothing stronger than my mother’s love because she used the glue of another era to make me have a life to smile through and give me the courage and bravery to step out into the world now, naked and free to walk and talk my vulnerabilities to awaken the world to my mission, message and life’s purpose.

Now this glue, I talk of, it is not a recipe, nor is it that sticky stuff used in art and craft. This is a special bond that mothers use to keep life from falling apart. It’s created a way that i knew and still know she is always there listening – she may not have been literally there sometimes in younger years and now I know she isn’t but it oh so feels like she is and I know that everything is and will always be okay. It’s that special bonding hug on a bad day, it’s her look that she always gave if I was scared or fearful that would take the tears and fears away. She made sacrifices because she always knew, I could do anything at all but that bonding glue of such love still holds tight because I think she knows without it I wouldn’t make it through, even now.

Mum, if you’re still awake up there, probably sitting in your favourite chair with your Chivas Regal and  Marlboro cigarettes I am letting you know that our glue is bonded strong and I have not given up and I will never give up – because my purpose in life has only just awoken. I am strong because of my story and I am strong because of you and next time you will see me standing on top of the mountain of life shining light from the darkness adding a bonded glue for those that need a helping hand and a warm heart. Yes, mum I know you are smiling at me, because yes that bonding glue has held tight keeping me safe on life’s wandered scary tightrope. 

If you are perhaps not as excited about Christmas this year, let me ask you to feel my outstretched arm and hand giving you strength, giving you hope this festive season.

Please connect with me on this blog or perhaps on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Much love always, 
Lisa-Raie 💋

“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

When Growing Pains Become Journalling Sessions Which Then Turn To Blog Posts……👣

Wow, these words talk to me, they lift me up to that mountain so high! When you awaken from darkness, what happens is that you grow and expand to a higher realm of energy that you’ve never been consciously! 

I think that’s why I’ve been able to make the steps that I have I’ve the last 24 hours. Those steps they shook me to the core, for an instant I thought that it was me moving backwards but after sitting inward I now know it’s growth with upleveling. I am so proud of myself for making it this far and I know I can make it to my destination in  health and life. 

Be BRAVE , self this is your time. Keep walking, keep talking for the world needs to hear what you have to say.

Much love

Lisa-Raie 💋
Let’s connect on social media;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
” Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Rehabilitation- The Path That Opens Up Wounds, That I Wanted Kept Buried.

Rehabilitation takes many paths to heal and recover from chronic illness and then as you begin doing the internal work, you find that the catalyst for the physical breakdown began long ago, in moments that I would rather forget.

Let me explain – 

I grew up in a narcissistic environment where I was conditioned to believe that only the voice of one person mattered. I learnt that only that person was allowed to have and express opinions. My voice was shut off in order to meet the needs of the house and instead at age eleven, I began the path of pleasing – I would cook and clean and look after younger siblings as well as get the best marks so that i could get acknowledged and celebrated but of course I didn’t. It was important for me to be perfect – that perfect child and student, because I thought if I was perfect I would eventually be celebrated- but again – NO, I never was!!! Across the journey from childhood to teens I fell in love with dancing (as a lot of little girls did) – this was my space to be free, to shine and star on stage and I did receiving medals and distinctions in my exams. But alas , that could not even continue because it was frowned upon and soon I lost what was my passionate purpose. 
As an adult now – I can see growing up in in a childhood like that , how awfully difficult it was and just perhaps keeping the emotional and physical abuse choked down inside could of impacted on the health challenges, both physically and mentally that I am facing in middle adulthood. I am tonight looking back and am even questioning my own value, as a wife a mother and a woman in the workplace because in all of those individual pathways I needed the perfection status – I needed to be celebrated but of course I wasn’t . Well I wasn’t in the mindset of how I grew up. Sitting here crying now as I write this, I can hear my husband telling me so many times, you are here now, you don’t need to live like that anymore. WHY , did I not listen way back when or across the thirty-two year journey that we have been together. I guess that’s what abuse does – it messes with you deep to the core  and then holding it all in, thinking you have life in control and everything balanced and settled, it all comes crashing down. 

In order to heal, it is time to start focusing on self love, self value and self worth and then as I have blogged about before a contented life will begin. Rehabilitation is now allowing me to move forward to “rewire” my brain and body to become one again – if you like , be born again to a life that I know i will love in every breath and step.

I must start at the beginning. I know already opening up and releasing some of these challenging moments of my life are going to trigger emotional flashbacks. It is going to be difficult because of having to remember being brought up in an emotionally neglected household where I would rarely or never receive compassion. I now realise that compassion is so essential for demonstrating empathy within childhood. This important skill was not properly taught to me as I was growing up  and perhaps this is why I pushed the kindness and compassion handle extraordinarily to my children. 

I keep stopping as I write this, telling myself to be patient – it’s something that my health challenges have taught me, but this time it seems even more important! There is a lot of shit, to release , so internal kindheartedness toward myself needs to start NOW. As I am writing this, I am thinking how I would react to someone else in similar circumstances, or what a close friend perhaps would say to me to give comfort to this unsettled self. What are the words I need to say to myself as I release the long suffered pain and rebirth my health and life.
I think I need to eliminate my inner most harshest critic and I need to learn to love myself. My “inner child” – little Lisa-Raie holds on to this hope that if i was only smarter , more helpful, more talented, and without any flaws perhaps I would of been loved. But perhaps my “inner child” was actually defective and unlovable and maybe that’s why the physical symptoms of today are a result of the failure of not finding perfection! These steps are a  self reflection process that I need to take, I am not meaning to self criticise it’s the stepping right back into the dark, to grasp the past so it can be exhaled and removed so healing can take place. I keep hearing my little voice, that inner critic continuing the past experiences and it is screaming toxic shame. I know why, I squashed all of this down – not wanting to remember! I just want to put my fingers in my ears and sing lalalala!!!  

But WAIT, what if I have been beginning to eliminate my past shame by learning the steps through showing my vulnerable side with safe people. Over, the last few months, I’ve begun connecting with safe people, I’ve started telling my story.

Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve started building self trust, by visualising my traumatic childhood as a way to start developing a stronger and more comforting, accepting, secure, and safer adult self.  The best way to learn self trust is to start treating yourself well.

Sitting here surrounded by my husband, one daughter and one son who love me dearly I can see how growing up in a narcissistic environment how much I missed out on healthy role modeling. As I recover these memories, I am feeling failed as a mother and a wife. Sorry, for swearing, BUT fuck this healing is hard! Keep going though, get it out – repair and rewire!!!  I can do this, it’s now that the self rejecting self STOPS and the self repairing  BEGINS. YES, I CAN DO THIS!!! Embrace younger self with the warmth and acceptance and let’s step into exercising the truest form of self love.

Growing up I learnt to focus only on the voice, reactions and power of one person. I think NOW looking at the adult self (ME), I really had no idea how to look internally at my own needs. As a child and teen, I was always striving to please, as a wife, mother and woman in the workplace the same. Always striving to be perfect when in fact there is no such thing as perfect. I think across my life journey particularly as a mother of five children, I developed an internal nurturer but I never really let it have a strong presence for the world to see, in case I was punished somehow. How stupid, tonight as I write I have so much self criticism – oh to release these pits of past perils! Oh self love, oh self love – where are you! Oh crickey, it’s 1.13AM, let me begin a process that can enable this healing journey to resurrect my physical and mental health. 

Step One, tomorrow or may I say later today this list is going to be the intentions I will set myself each and everyday to do for me, to be happy and healthy and live the life that is in all my visions and dreams and to which my purpose and passion pushes me towards.

1. Meditate
2. Rehab exercises to rebuild my body 
3. Say daily that “I am worthy, loved and enough”
4. If I am tired – that is ok, let myself rest
5. If I need to cry, let myself cry
6. Fill my body with good nutrition
7. Crochet, because creating heals

Okay, so this is just the truest and real start line for where healing illness and recovery from abuse begins. It is a process, that may take a lifetime to release and unravel but with the gracious guidance of my husband who has never strayed and now the solid BUT nurturing rehabilitation team of Erin, Ann and Peter to guide me , I know I will allow myself the gifts of  grace, and small steps to enjoy each day as it comes and be mindful of what I will be experiencing, finding and learning along the way. Ultimately, this recovery process will involve eliminating my little ME, my inner harshest critic and toxic shame that resides in my head so that the physical harm and pain can heal and my body be strengthened without too much harm being done. 
Let me begin, but first let me sleep. 🙏🏻

This has been very confronting writing this blog but also very cathartic. As I press publish, I have such strong anxieties and vulnerabilities flooding pain through every part of my body….and I hope there is something that my words have helped you with.

This moment marks my truest sense of gratitude that life is beginning NOW.
Lisa-Raie 💋
Please connect with me on my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
” I Am Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”

Living A Life Of Contentment 🙏🏻

A lot of people search for ways to find happiness, but I personally think the idea of contentment is more important than happiness.

So why contentment over happiness? 
SIMPLY- 

1. Happiness can go up or down each day or by the moment, BUT contentment is something more stable.
2. We seek happiness by adding things like food, a warm bath, time with a loved one but contentment is a skill that allows you to not need those things and still be contented and balanced.
3. Contentment can actually be a good place to start as we make changes to health, life and simply ourselves.

So what is contentment? For me, it’s about being happy with who we  are as individuals. This is something I wasn’t for many years, and I think is one of the reasons I am slowly becoming more and more my truest self.

As I am journeying life and healing myself , I’m learning to be better with the skill of contentment.  I am happy with my life. I am happy with myself. I’m happy with where I sit myself each and everyday because I now see me for who I am and I love the woman that I’ve grown to be.  I’ve grown and I am still growing in ways that I would never have imagined and part of the reasoning is that I am content with knowing that I am enough in everything that I try and do on any given day. Of course, I still strive for many things but I know that for when one day ends and the next begins, I’ve been and done all that I can do – that is true and total contentment and that is enough!

So let’s take a look at the path of contentment and how it’s a good place for letting change to begin and how to get started down that path. The question is how to get there. How to go from being unhappy with yourself to being content with yourself!

• The path is learning a few important skills at a time.

• Build self-trust. The only way to fix a lack of trust is in small steps. You can’t  trust your unreliable self right a way,  instead, it’s about starting to build trust in small steps. Do little things, each day, where you start seeing things showing up. As this begins to happen, you open yourself up more and more to being able to want , think and feel more expansive options in health and life.

• What I usually do to build trust is to start with small things that I’m totally certain I can do, for instance  drinking a glass of water every day is an easy to do task. If you want to drink more water, like I do set yourself a bunch of reminders in your phone or with notes scattered around your home to remind you to drink more water. Keep that up for a week or more and it will help you to trust yourself. If we try to change hard stuff, we will fail, every time and then your self trust is gone. So start with the small stuff.

•  The other problem is with finding contentment is the reality of ourselves does not meet some of the ideals we hold in ourselves . That ideal comes from the media, particularly social media in this modern day world. Or are maybe our thoughts, are just coming from some idea about how perfect we think we should be – that was my idea and it’s still a process I am working on releasing.

• The truth is, the reality of ourselves is only bad in relation to the ideal that we have about ourselves. When we let go of that ideal, we’re left with the reality that can be judged as perfectly great and then we are able being someone who is beautiful in its own special way. It’s a most beautiful feeling to step into the thought when you suddenly realise , “oh I am really worthy and enough”. Life changes so dramatically when these thoughts appear.

• So ask if you’re feeling bad about who you are and how you are doing. When you can  recognise those traits that is awareness that you are noticing and those traits are your ideals.

Once we notice the ideals, we need to stop comparing ourselves to them. The only way to let go of the ideals is to see the pain that it’s causing in yourself. Letting go of an ideal that’s hurting us, is self-compassion. Being self-compassionate about causing pain within ourselves begins the process of comparing ourselves with these ideals. So are you ready to live a life of true contentment? Are you ready to commit to being really connected to yourself and living a life of contentment.
Let’s connect and wander together within life everyday using social media;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Lisa-Raie 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Choosing Me, Chooses Health & Life….❤️

Today, I felt compelled to fully commit to the world that I have gone without the feelings of being sassy and soulful for so long. BUT, I can tell you that falling down hard at the beginning of this year was the catalyst of me taking true authentic and very vulnerable action towards truly healing and becoming me and oh gosh I am again believing in myself and beginning to breathe so much sass and soul for my health and my life. I am now free to empower wisdom on why choosing ME allows true healing and a life to love. ❤️ 

​​
I hope, that if you are seeing and hearing this message today you may be inspired and empowered to take action on yourself  finding a life to love.

Connect here or on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Snapchat me 👻@simply_lisaraie 👻

“Wandering Towards Wellness”

I Am My Power, NOT My Chronic Illnesses…..

Living with multiple chronic illnesses is hard – NO, WAIT ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE AT TIMES!!!!!
This week, if you’ve been following my journey, you would of seen it’s been immensely difficult. Getting to the end of this week and knowing I didn’t want to spiral any further down the gurgling dark hole again – I knew that I needed to shift the energy caused by my chronic health battle. I needed to make things happen, rather than just evolving by letting them happen repeatedly. I’ve come to learn that I am more than these illnesses that crush my existence, so that’s just what I did. I realised, I could own my power.

What do I mean, that I could own my power? Well for me, the new inner power came because I allowed thoughts of being supported by myself, for myself. Finding my own power has allowed me to release and truly let the magic replace the irritating experiences of darkness. I’m not saying, that I’ve removed the chronic pain and illness flares that build up inside my body, no not at all- but what I’ve found is by giving myself back the power- I can be in charge of what happens, in these times and not my health complexities.

• These last two days, having this newly understood power feels wonderful and I want to be able to have these feelings stay with me, as I wander towards wellness and a life that is loved. So, let me give you my thoughts on how I’ve found my power and how I will keep it shining through in each day.
• For way to long, I’ve had to wander around and around within my chronic illnesses, at times feeling like I am a tangled ball of yarn. My illnesses have controlled everything past, present and everything in between, leaving me unable to breathe my positive thoughts on life as I wanted it to be. Through these thoughts, negative consciousness connects and all of a sudden life becomes dark. These thoughts and the situations become reoccurring patterns of behaviour and soon enough the power is lost. Thinking about this as the last week kept disappearing into the darkened mist, I knew that I didn’t want to become tangled up inside my illnesses anymore. What I’ve found is that I’ve had this power all the time and it’s just about unleashing it when times get tough and it all revolves around changing my thoughts and releasing the pain to allow space for fresh breath and the magic of new experiences and opportunities to connect in me.
• Living with these illnesses like I do, causes me to withdraw into myself. I can tell you, when I let myself withdraw further and further within, my head begins to play crazy tricks on every level of my life. So, the power begins by focusing on the positive and healthy path that I wander. At times of chronic flares and when it all looks like disaster, I need to find a way to clear some of the messy clutter from my head, allowing my brain much needed space to regather, recharge and renew the journey of life for me to wander.
• The messy clutter occurs because of the negative thoughts and experiences that chronic illness causes to every aspect of life. There are instances within my journey of health challenges and lifestyle battles that I know cause me to breakdown. Once, I breakdown, so do the illnesses that lay inside me. I know now, to stay in my own power I need to remove that negative clutter that reoccurs far to often. I need to allow myself space within myself so that when I need to stop and rest I can do just that. This will allow myself to journey forward with the positive vibration that I absolutely love to feel.

It is amazing what I’ve learnt in just two days about being in my own power. It has actually allowed me to believe in myself more, than ever before. This has all happened because of the power of journaling and sharing my experiences through this blog. You see, as I was journaling my thoughts and feelings, prior to translating it into that last blog I was finding myself more open to the idea that i can have, be AND do whatever it is that want, despite the nastiness of the illnesses that I live with. By journaling my thoughts, feelings and emotions outwardly I create so much more space, to concentrate on the positive mindset and visual purpose of life. Journaling and blogging has given me the independence and the confidence to talk outwardly about my pain, my sadness, allowing me to release and let go of all the unwanted mess that would otherwise remain locked inside of me. Having this power now on the outside, I can concentrate on controlling the innermost movements using mindfulness with my beloved yoga and meditation that somehow got lost in the journey with darkness. I’m back in a place where I can visualise life being as I want it, not as it feels in my body during the chronic pain experiences. Now is the time to take my power to the new levels helping others that maybe feeling the same. I’m going to write and write and when I need to stop and rest I will write some more because it’s going to allow me to breathe in the bliss that’s required to owning our own dreams and lives. When I can do that, it is possible to dissolve the challenges that chronic illness brings and let’s the magic of new opportunities and experiences to arrive at the door. I have the power and I will be now learning the process so that I can remain standing in this newly understood power. I know that, circumstances will come through and throw curve balls but by journaling and translating them into blogs and verbal conversations I will guarantee that I give myself the best chance of being the power of me.

Have you found your power, if so I would love to hear how you found your way into that space. I would also love to hear from you, if you continue to struggle with being in charge of your journey. Make sure you connect here or through one of my social media channels.

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Lisa-Raie 

(AKA the Barefoot FND Goddess) 💋
“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

Breathing Through Chronic Illness With Meditation 🙏🏻

If you are like me, I don’t have to tell you that living with chronic illness can be at times unbearable. I know I do everything I can to get through days and nights – I try moving but that hurts, I rest but that hurts, so I do nothing but that hurts more! So by the end of each day, I’ve taken the maximum dose of painkillers that I could but the ache is overwhelming and consuming every breath. It’s a vicious circle that rotates endlessly.
But, as I’m having to deal with the chronic pain and endless number of physical symptoms that hurt – it’s also my mind that is also hurting . Questions, questions, many questions consistently overload my brain with such things of being unable to deal and cope with the ongoing pain and illness and all I’m asking is that I just want it to stop – I JUST WANT IT TO ALL GO AWAY – but it doesn’t!
This has been my constant thoughts and feelings over many years but I find of recent weeks it’s back with a vengeance! Pain insomnia wreaks havoc on living, so the only thing that I can do is to fight back against these moments of excessive chronic pain and illness so that I don’t fall back into a spiralling doom of despair.
Last night, I switched off from social media and connected back into a mindful space with meditation. A number of years ago, I found yoga and meditation and I found that it reduced my chronic pain and illness immensely and I was able to learn the principles and I began actually teaching it. However, as I stepped up the energy levels, my chronic illnesses stopped me in my tracks again. I could no longer do or teach yoga because of paralysis and weakness and so meditation fell by the wayside too. Being in a zone with insomnia for over a fortnight, has lead me to think about ways of not falling backwards-the breath of mindfulness has come back. I know very well that this mindful action soothes my mental and physical angst. I have no idea if I can bring myself back to being able to no longer feel pain with the intensity that I am, but if I bring back my focus to the breath just possibly I can help untangle the thick fog that insomnia lands me in.

So back to meditation i go. What meditation does is focus on different parts of my body simply using my breath.  It allows me to see my mind and body in action and to feel the pain sensations as they rise within my body and then let go of them using calming deep breaths. I did not think I would have success straight away, but I was amazed by the difference. Last night, has been my best night for about a fortnight. You see, just by bringing my calming breath back into play my chronic pain insomnia and intolerable nerve pain and twitches began to melt and I was able to rest and was able to sleep – YES SLEEP.

I know my pain arises from my multiple chronic illnesses and the damage to my bodies nervous system and what is like a speaker in my brain leading the intensity of mind and body suffering. From studying different forms of mindfulness and from my personal health experiences, I’ve learnt that my mind does not simply feel pain, it also processes all the information that it holds. Its like my mind, zooms in on my pain looking for away to take it away but instead what my mind is doing is causing my pain and or hurting to be louder. Before long I’m in periods of excessive pain and illness and insomnia is causing me more hurting. I know, if I don’t do something I will end up being consumed again by my excessive anxieties, stresses and worries as well as my physical pain.  As I spoke earlier about in an instant the vicious circle of downward spiralling is with me again, which hurts and  impairs my healing process and leads to even more hurting.

So it is time to again, step into handling my pain and hurting differently to how I currently am. I need to lay my hands open to the powerful effect of mindfulness so that I can better control my pain. I know personally when focused, that mindfulness does turn my volume control down on pain. It also lessens my anxiety, stress and the depression that it has brought me. Using mindfulness, my mind and body can again truly relax and perhaps in conjunction with my medication and other problems which include my memory loss may improve as well as my mental and physical energy. As I’m writing this I’m wondering – WHY THE HELL, DID I GIVE UP MY MEDITATION!

So come forward – I’ve found a wonderful app called “InsightTimer” – you may want to have a look at http://www.insighttimer.com . This app, has over 2000 different meditations- I regularly search the different rest, relaxation and sleep meditations and I’ve again found that stepping into following the guided sessions I can use mindful activity as a powerful painkiller in conjunction with my other medications to assist my steps walking forward.
If you would like to give meditation a go, I would suggest looking for the app I spoke of but also practising getting your mind and body to relax. This is an activity I use and its best practiced in a quiet area. Don’t worry if your mind wanders. Mine does, so don’t get mad with yourself. When it happens, just bring the awareness back to your breath and concentrate on the part of the body  where your mind wandered. As you focus on each part of the body, listen to how your body is feeling.

So let’s begin the practise;

I will generally Lie on the floor, my bed or my sofa, letting my legs lay relaxed and slightly apart. I place my hands on my tummy (presently I have a paralysed right arm so I place that hand under my left, so it stays in place. I will close my eyes and sink myself into the floor. Next I focus on my breath – listening and feeling as it flows in and out of my body. I will just lay still noticing how my breath is, feeling the rhythm of each breath in and out with as much detail as i can – doing this allows me to really connect inward. I will start at my toes and work up – spending a few minutes with each area of my body feeling how it feels in temperature and with pain. As you breathe in, hold your breath and then slowly exhale in each breath, I use the count of 4 and then again to the count of 4, I exhale. I will often spend more time on particular areas of my body that are feeling worse pain. Once I’ve listened I will move my awareness to the next area of my body. I will stop and observe what i find for a minute. So basically it’s about breathing deeply in, holding your breath and then exhaling observing from your toes up all the way to the top of my head. Once I’ve reached my head I will spend a couple of minutes observing my whole body breathing as one. Slowly I will open my eyes and bring myself back to my surroundings. What I find, is that there is a calmness across my body, I may still have pain but my body is in a state of awareness that allows me to either continue with my day or settle into a restful space for night.

I hope that this post has been of help for you, if you’ve been thinking of trying to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your life and chronic illness journey. If it resonates with you or perhaps you want to know more about my journey, please don’t hesitate to connect with me here or across on my social media channels.

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

Much love

LR – The Barefoot Goddess 💋