What’s The Worst Thing About My Journey With Chronic Illness???

“What’s the worst thing about my journey with chronic illness ?” I would have to say without a doubt that is the hardest question to answer. But, let me wander this journey with you here and explain why.

The struggles with chronic illness are all too real and present with every breath and step in life that I can’t just pick one thing that depicts my worst. But allowing myself to stop and reflect, I’ve realised that so many times I’ve doubted myself and my life choices. 

WHY – well with my illnesses and disorders there are so many challenges that have bombarded my body for so many years now that unfortunately my mind has become a victim too. I now see life and the world through different eyes because I’ve seen everyday  feeling the worst pain, having the most horrible symptoms, unable to experience and enjoy my favourite activities and no matter how calm and positive I tried to feel, there is such a negative anxiety filling me up. It was at that point and it’s only been recently let me tell you that I realised I had a further problem and that was depression. Life, was slowly spiralling out of control and it wasn’t until I was hospitalised that I became all too aware of what it was doing to me, so I think that’s probably the worst thing within in my chronic illness journey. 

Depression is not some imaginative little scene dancing within my head – it’s full of the most raw and real emotion that creates so many negative and hopeless thoughts than anybody could ever fathom. When in the deepest and darkest moments of despair even the most positive of people could not even bring the good energy out of me and this left me feeling more hopeless, alone and definitely lead me to doubting myself and making choices that I would not normally make. Depression has this power over the mind like the chronic symptoms impacting my body. Because of the impact of physical impairment, through my physical illnesses I learned that my brain functions had slipped a few levels on the ‘normality’ scale with my mental illness. Alas, all the inner walls cave in.

Here, I was just thinking that my new physical symptoms like limb paralysis and weakness, speech problems, etc were part of my longer walked journey illnesses and would be flares that would fade over certain time just as the other physical flares do. But this I learned was about what my health conditions, had developed into. When I and so many have had to live with physical ailments for a long period, the brain also then becomes ill. Working with a number of specialists i realised it is going to take even more work and medication to bring myself back to a level of mindful existence and allowing a quality of life that I desire. With, this new knowledge, I could of sunk further into depression and regressed further into myself and a land of unknown BUT I knew that’s not what my life was meant for. 

Looking at life with different eyes, I was excited to step in and take action to begin a journey of regaining mental health so that I could continue tackling the physical challenges on health firstly and importantly for ME but also so I could show others what is possible. Life lead me to having to overcome fears of being seen a certain way , it was accepting that my vulnerable state had been compromised. In accepting and stepping into these challenges I could accept help. 
So bring me forward to, today I am wandering a path back to the light of day with ME back on the agenda for what has always been my vision, purpose and message of living a life to love. I have accepted that I need assistance with a 4 wheeler walker to reclaim balance and strength to walk again. I know that I need to stop and take time to breathe and rest. Best of all I know that I need teams of people around me, because when i surround myself with a range of different people and experiences, I will have all the power and strength that I need to stay well and live well. My medical team are of a neurologist, rheumatologist, psychologist, neuro-physio and a list that goes on will give me mental and physical health. Family & friends will give me my passion to shine and walk my dreams. Then there are the new team of soul sista’s that I am connecting with globally that inspires and motivates me to walk and talk my story building awareness for all that are walking a journey with chronic illnesses looking for a life to love.

So the worst part about my chronic illness is, definitely depression and the inability to see and feel that my mind was my own worst enemy and causing me so much further despair. Now, sitting happier on my sofa i’m beginning to again enjoy bliss of being comfortable in my own life so that I can step into your lives. 

Life is a ever changing collection of movements and I know that I need to be slow and steady to wander my goddess journey. I accept all of my illnesses and yes there will still be days of utter frustration that will take me to that cliff edge, BUT I now understand that those days are just a inner message from my mind and body that I am going to fast. Wander slowly, breathe deeply and believe and live every dream because it is possible. Me landing in depression with a damaged mental health, was my trigger that my journey had got off track , and yes it’s the worst thing but it was probably also the saviour in a crazy kind of way.

Please if you’ve resonated with this in anyway, I would love to hear your feedback and if you too are walking a life with chronic illness- what is the worst thing you’ve found along your journey.

Much Love 

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** Special Mention; To my new connected soul sista’s, you all light me up everyday and allow me to rebuild dreams that had been lost in darkness.

** To my husband-you’ve been so strong and with me through everything and even when I lost faith-you still had it! That is why, now I’m stepping with a new breath more powerful than before. I often, tell you I love you BUT seriously you will never realise how blessed I am to have you. 

** To My youngest child – you are a guardian angel, however your journey has been so very difficult and not even I can understand the path that you’ve had to endure, with ASD, genetic mutations and other intellectual differences to direct you through life. You are the most loving now young adult that inspires me to keep walking tall for my dream of a health and life to live. 

Please if you would like to connect further, find me on social media at;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDaware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess

“Let’s Walk Together And Not Tear Each Other Down”

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Balance Its Crucial For Our Journey Of Life…..

Learning to find balance is something that I’ve had to work really hard on, but it’s also something that has allowed me to get through my hardest days living with pain, illness and disease. Today, I wanted to share some of my key pointers which have taught me to be more balanced with health, life but simply being me.

Living with multiple chronic illnesses has meant finding balance in a unstable journey of life, but one I am truly grateful for walking . I believe, I needed to experience the extreme highs and lows of life, in order to try out different things and find what worked for me as a individual. It was crucial to find what makes me sad, happy, infact it was crucial for me to find my whole true inner self. I now know that if I don’t feel like doing or saying something, I  don’t and instead I will do something like sit in silence through meditation or just simply chilling out with some TV or music. I know that one bad day or night isn’t going to have a negative impact  on my  lifestyle and journey. Learning to stay balanced helps me to stay content and  more able to concentrate on daily goals, future plans and visions. 
If you find yourself struggling to find balance, perhaps try the key pointers that have helped me ;

  • Switching Off The Phone can be one of the best ways to begin to find balance, because simply stepping away from the craziness of social media is great for the mind, body & soul. Not being in the social media busyness for even one day lets us concentrate on ourselves and what truly is important in our lives.
  • Step Outside on to the green grass with bare feet if you can, simply stand there in silence feeling the fresh air blowing through your hair and against your skin. The simple force of Mother Nature is another key pointer for allowing our bodies to feel more calm and balanced.
  • Stop, Reflect & Refreshing ourselves by taking time to think and write down what’s most important to us. To do this daily is a fantastic way to bring balance into a busy of hectic life. Practice writing your list of goals or perhaps start journalling to release feelings whether they are happy, sad or indifferent. Simply by stopping for ourselves we are equaling the scales of the journey that we are walking and when we do this , things start to fall into place.

So, that’s my three important key pointers that help me stay more calm and balanced. Of course, not everyday is smooth but when I concentrate on practicing these features life is calm, making me calm so that the path I move forward in remains calm and balanced.

I would love to know how you find ways to remain and live a calm and balanced lifestyle. Leave a comment and of course if you resonate with what I’ve written- hit the like button and share it with others that may need some help with bringing balance into life.

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