24 Hours, Words & FREEDOM!

Been listening to quite a bit of #GeorgeMichael in this last 24 hours as a lot of us probably have. The words from ‘Freedom’ have resonated more than ever for how I wandered life thanks to a narcissistic parent, so much that I’ve penned some ramblings with the help of George’s lyrics;

I won’t let you down dad,

I will not give your vision up.

I won’t let you down,

So please don’t give me up,

Because I would love you to stick around.

BUT abuse, it kills, it wipes out hope!

Your vision it was not real & as just a little girl, it made me even more unsure of what I wanted to be. Teenage years struck & I could flee and it was so easy to become an angel wrapped in devils wings, so hungry for my own  pride and joy, and I guess it was enough for me at that time! I was gonna show you dad – I was going to win the race! I would be the prettier face. But, soon I found adulthood & that was not gonna be the way I was going to play the game of life! No way, No Way,NO WAY!

I decided I was gonna get myself happy.

I think there’s something you should know dad

I think it’s time I told you so…..

There’s something deep inside of me – something better than YOU!

There’s someone else I’ve got to be……AND it’s ME!

When I am me, I don’t let anyone down- the vision is real, my life is real! 

That picture of you, it’s been missing for years because with it gone I am back singing in the shower and dancing in the rain. I know you won’t understand BUT sometimes your clothes don’t make my life!

All I have to do, now,in my life , is take the lies that you made me live and make them true!!!

All this life needs to see

Is that I don’t belong to you,

And you don’t belong to me.

Freedom, Freedom, Freedom!

I won the race.

I got outta your narcissistic place.

I found my home AND finally I’ve got a brand new face that you’ll never see except if you see this on the TV!

Today, the way I play the game has changed.

Oh, yeah.

Now EVERYDAY , I am gonna let myself be happy.

For me and not for YOU, and that’s something you should know!

I think it’s time I stopped your show – I have and I won’t be back again. I have the POWER, not YOU!!

Well it looks like my road to heaven, is set in sunshine not like the road to hell that you gave me for more than half my life!

You nearly made me take a knife and my life!

There will be no more posing for pictures, It’s time to shake my ass and that’s something you will notice very fast, but hey some mistakes were built to last. That’s what you get, but I’ll hold on to them but I will also hold my freedom, freedom, FREEDOM!

May not be what you want from me but that’s the way it’s got to be. I’ve got to live and by live I mean to be free, not bow and curtsy to your every whim…..

Freedom, freedom, FREEDOM life is mine, NOT yours!
George Michael, you’ve gone but you’ve left a legacy for us all! You’ve given us faith and freedom and so much more!
Freedom, it’s here for us all!

Lisa-Raie 👣

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“Wandering Towards Wellness, Globally”

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Christmas Brings Out My Mother’s Love & I Know I Am OK. I will always be ok.

It’s almost christmas, and there is lots of excitement around but as I sit here watching my christmas tree lights flickering,I find myself thinking of my mother who has now passed.

I am wondering how she would look,if she was alive now. I am thinking about how she held it together the way she did, way back when. It seemed no matter how life got out of control, she always puts it back the way it should be for me as a child. It’s always been a mystery, how she was so strong in a life of so much mess but I guess that was her and I guess in a way I have some of that strength….well I held a lot of shit deep down in my guts for so long and it’s just now as I am releasing and purging as I am recovering from multiple chronic illnesses and what has always held me back that, that’s probably what my mother was doing long, long ago. Yes, she stumbled and fell but seriously there is nothing stronger than my mother’s love because she used the glue of another era to make me have a life to smile through and give me the courage and bravery to step out into the world now, naked and free to walk and talk my vulnerabilities to awaken the world to my mission, message and life’s purpose.

Now this glue, I talk of, it is not a recipe, nor is it that sticky stuff used in art and craft. This is a special bond that mothers use to keep life from falling apart. It’s created a way that i knew and still know she is always there listening – she may not have been literally there sometimes in younger years and now I know she isn’t but it oh so feels like she is and I know that everything is and will always be okay. It’s that special bonding hug on a bad day, it’s her look that she always gave if I was scared or fearful that would take the tears and fears away. She made sacrifices because she always knew, I could do anything at all but that bonding glue of such love still holds tight because I think she knows without it I wouldn’t make it through, even now.

Mum, if you’re still awake up there, probably sitting in your favourite chair with your Chivas Regal and  Marlboro cigarettes I am letting you know that our glue is bonded strong and I have not given up and I will never give up – because my purpose in life has only just awoken. I am strong because of my story and I am strong because of you and next time you will see me standing on top of the mountain of life shining light from the darkness adding a bonded glue for those that need a helping hand and a warm heart. Yes, mum I know you are smiling at me, because yes that bonding glue has held tight keeping me safe on life’s wandered scary tightrope. 

If you are perhaps not as excited about Christmas this year, let me ask you to feel my outstretched arm and hand giving you strength, giving you hope this festive season.

Please connect with me on this blog or perhaps on one of my social media channels;

http://www.facebook.com/IAmFNDAware

http://www.twitter.com/FND_Goddess

http://www.instagram.com/fnd_goddess
Much love always, 
Lisa-Raie 💋


“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”