It’s almost christmas, and there is lots of excitement around but as I sit here watching my christmas tree lights flickering,I find myself thinking of my mother who has now passed.
I am wondering how she would look,if she was alive now. I am thinking about how she held it together the way she did, way back when. It seemed no matter how life got out of control, she always puts it back the way it should be for me as a child. It’s always been a mystery, how she was so strong in a life of so much mess but I guess that was her and I guess in a way I have some of that strength….well I held a lot of shit deep down in my guts for so long and it’s just now as I am releasing and purging as I am recovering from multiple chronic illnesses and what has always held me back that, that’s probably what my mother was doing long, long ago. Yes, she stumbled and fell but seriously there is nothing stronger than my mother’s love because she used the glue of another era to make me have a life to smile through and give me the courage and bravery to step out into the world now, naked and free to walk and talk my vulnerabilities to awaken the world to my mission, message and life’s purpose.
Now this glue, I talk of, it is not a recipe, nor is it that sticky stuff used in art and craft. This is a special bond that mothers use to keep life from falling apart. It’s created a way that i knew and still know she is always there listening – she may not have been literally there sometimes in younger years and now I know she isn’t but it oh so feels like she is and I know that everything is and will always be okay. It’s that special bonding hug on a bad day, it’s her look that she always gave if I was scared or fearful that would take the tears and fears away. She made sacrifices because she always knew, I could do anything at all but that bonding glue of such love still holds tight because I think she knows without it I wouldn’t make it through, even now.
Mum, if you’re still awake up there, probably sitting in your favourite chair with your Chivas Regal and Marlboro cigarettes I am letting you know that our glue is bonded strong and I have not given up and I will never give up – because my purpose in life has only just awoken. I am strong because of my story and I am strong because of you and next time you will see me standing on top of the mountain of life shining light from the darkness adding a bonded glue for those that need a helping hand and a warm heart. Yes, mum I know you are smiling at me, because yes that bonding glue has held tight keeping me safe on life’s wandered scary tightrope.
If you are perhaps not as excited about Christmas this year, let me ask you to feel my outstretched arm and hand giving you strength, giving you hope this festive season.
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Much love always,
“Wandering Towards Wellness Globally”